{"@context":"http://iiif.io/api/presentation/3/context.json","id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/iiif/5q4rj4bd95/manifest","type":"Manifest","label":{"en":["zahra alabanza: “Reorienting myself to possibility”"]},"logo":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/organizations/logo_images/000/000/699/original/Georgia_Dusk_Tagline_Primary_2x.png?1750685138","metadata":[{"label":{"en":["Holding Repository"]},"value":{"en":["Georgia Dusk"]}},{"label":{"en":["Type"]},"value":{"en":["Sound"]}},{"label":{"en":["Genre"]},"value":{"en":["Oral history interviews"]}},{"label":{"en":["Date"]},"value":{"en":["2023-02-02 (captured)"]}},{"label":{"en":["Agent"]},"value":{"en":["Datricia Rollins (Interviewer)","Ashby Combahee (Interviewer)","zahra alabanza (Interviewee)"]}},{"label":{"en":["Rights Statement"]},"value":{"en":["\u003cp\u003eCopyright to this material is held by Georgia Dusk: a southern liberation oral history. Requests for permission to publish should be directed to: info@georgiadusk.com.\u003c/p\u003e"]}},{"label":{"en":["Preferred Citation"]},"value":{"en":["\u003cp\u003ealabanza, zahra. “Reorienting myself to possibility.” Interviewed by Ashby Combahee \u0026amp;\u003cbr\u003eDartricia Rollins. 2 February 2023, Georgia Dusk: a southern liberation oral history,\u003cbr\u003egeorgiadusk.com. \u003c/p\u003e"]}},{"label":{"en":["Publisher"]},"value":{"en":["Georgia Dusk: a southern liberation oral history"]}},{"label":{"en":["Description"]},"value":{"en":["\u003cp\u003eLocation: yes, please: a bookhouse and carespace\u003c/p\u003e","\u003cp\u003ezahra conjures enthusiasm for life by practicing pleasure and play, living simply and working hard via labor and manifestation.  Being a parent, organizer, creator and adventurer are a few roles that allow her to explore the depths of life and community.  As a visionary, project starting, community weaving,  overloving  outdoor junkie, she utilizes experience and space curation, outdoor adventure, land base work , wellness rituals as the root of her community organizing efforts to enhance the quality of life among Black folk. Her work centers Black women, children and queer folks and meets at the intersection of justice, healing, quality of life and Black liberation.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003ezahra is the principal consultant at  Blue In Green Consulting,  co-founder of  Red Bike and Green-Atlanta and Black Freedom Outfitters, both entities centering BlackJoy in the outdoors. She  is also on the leadership team for Radical Adventure Riders and a co-founder of the Untokening and the Anna Julia Learning and Liberation Center.\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003ezahra is a yoga practitioner, doula and urban grower. She is into surfing, sailing, books and leisure. Home is  in Atlanta with her two children and an extended tribe. zahra has visited almost 40 countries on 6 continents. She wants so much out of life and can't wait to see what more it can offer.\u003c/p\u003e (scope content)"]}},{"label":{"en":["Duration"]},"value":{"en":["02:50:25"]}}],"summary":{"en":["\u003cp\u003eLocation: yes, please: a bookhouse and carespace\u003c/p\u003e","\u003cp\u003ezahra conjures enthusiasm for life by practicing pleasure and play, living simply and working hard via labor and manifestation. \u0026nbsp;Being a parent, organizer, creator and adventurer are a few roles that allow her to explore the depths of life and community. \u0026nbsp;As a visionary, project starting, community weaving, \u0026nbsp;overloving \u0026nbsp;outdoor junkie, she utilizes experience and space curation, outdoor adventure, land base work , wellness rituals as the root of her community organizing efforts to enhance the quality of life among Black folk. Her work centers Black women, children and queer folks and meets at the intersection of justice, healing, quality of life and Black liberation.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003ezahra is the principal consultant at \u0026nbsp;Blue In Green Consulting, \u0026nbsp;co-founder of \u0026nbsp;Red Bike and Green-Atlanta and Black Freedom Outfitters, both entities centering BlackJoy in the outdoors. She \u0026nbsp;is also on the leadership team for Radical Adventure Riders and a co-founder of the Untokening and the Anna Julia Learning and Liberation Center.\u003cbr /\u003e\u0026nbsp;\u003cbr /\u003ezahra is a yoga practitioner, doula and urban grower. She is into surfing, sailing, books and leisure. Home is \u0026nbsp;in Atlanta with her two children and an extended tribe. zahra has visited almost 40 countries on 6 continents. She wants so much out of life and can't wait to see what more it can offer.\u003c/p\u003e"]},"requiredStatement":{"label":{"en":["Attribution"]},"value":{"en":["\u003cp\u003eCopyright to this material is held by Georgia Dusk: a southern liberation oral history. Requests for permission to publish should be directed to: info@georgiadusk.com.\u003c/p\u003e"]}},"provider":[{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/aboutus","type":"Agent","label":{"en":["Georgia Dusk"]},"homepage":[{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/","type":"Text","label":{"en":["Georgia Dusk"]},"format":"text/html"}],"logo":[{"id":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/organizations/logo_images/000/000/699/original/Georgia_Dusk_Tagline_Primary_2x.png?1750685138","type":"Image"}]}],"thumbnail":[{"id":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/collection_resource_files/thumbnails/000/276/107/small/z_bikrversy_23.JPG?1748887172","type":"Image","format":"image/jpeg"}],"items":[{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107","type":"Canvas","label":{"en":["Media File 1 of 2 - Zahra_oral_history_pt.1.wav"]},"duration":6106.03327,"width":640,"height":360,"thumbnail":[{"id":"https://d9jk7wjtjpu5g.cloudfront.net/collection_resource_files/thumbnails/000/276/107/small/z_bikrversy_23.JPG?1748887172","type":"Image","format":"image/jpeg"}],"items":[{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/content/1","type":"AnnotationPage","items":[{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/content/1/annotation/1","type":"Annotation","motivation":"painting","body":{"id":"https://aviary-p-georgiadusk.s3.wasabisys.com/collection_resource_files/resource_files/000/276/107/original/Zahra_oral_history_pt.1.wav?1779902420","type":"Audio","format":"audio/wav","duration":6106.03327,"width":640,"height":360},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107","metadata":[]}]}],"annotations":[{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393","type":"AnnotationPage","label":{"en":["zahra alabanza-Part One Transcript [Transcript]"]},"items":[{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/1","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza: “Reorienting myself to possibility”\n\nFebruary 2, 2023\n\nInterviewed by Ashby Combahee and Dartricia Rollins\n\nCitation: alabanza, zahra. “Reorienting myself to possibility.” Interviewed by Ashby Combahee \u0026 Dartricia Rollins. 2 February 2023, Georgia Dusk: a southern liberation oral history, georgiadusk.com.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=0.0,5.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/2","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Dartricia Rollins  \n\nAll right. My name is Dartricia Rollins, and I'm here with Ashby Combahee. We're interviewing Zahra Alabanza for Georgia Dusk: A Southern Liberation Oral History Project. Today is February 2, 2023. And we're conducting this oral history at yes, please: a bookhouse and carespace in Scottdale, Georgia. You've been asked to participate in Georgia Dusk: An Oral History, conducted by Ashby Combahee and Dartricia Rollins. The project is partnered with the Spelman College Archives, a component of the Women's Research and Resource Center, founded by iconic Black feminist Dr. Beverly Guy-Sheftall, and which serves to document the experiences of contemporary Black feminist scholars, activists and cultural workers. The purpose of Georgia Dusk is to gather and preserve firsthand narratives of organizers and cultural workers who have a connection to Georgia, and who are part of the Southern Freedom Movement. The oral history interviews provide elements of history that are often not apparent in traditional archival documents or dominant media. The interviews enable participants to reclaim the narrative and historical representation of liberation movements throughout Georgia. When used with other research materials, the oral histories help to provide a more holistic view of history. Zahra, can you please introduce yourself by saying your name, pronouns, age, and tell us about the work you do?/","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=5.0,94.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/3","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nZahra Alabanza, 42 years old. What was the other question? I use she and they pronouns. And the work I do, is always a complex question, 'cause I think I'm constantly figuring out how to say it condensed-- in a condensed way, which will not exist today. *laughs* Well, currently, I wanna state that I am taking six months to a year off because of 10 years of work, which I wanna say at least seven of it was-- I was in deep depression, and didn't know it until very recently. And the work involved raising two children, my children, Marley and Cassius, who I'm also not the birthing parent of, and who-- Marley is my brother's biological son, and Cassius is not, but Cassius and Marley are brothers, so. I can't remember the exact year, was 12 years ago, I inherited them. And they were four and one. So it shifted my life drastically. I was organizing in Chicago at the time with the Illinois Caucus for Adolescent Health (ICAH) around reproductive justice. So school board policy, parental notification, school board policy around sexual health education in schools, parental notification. We had a Young Parents Program, we hosted a youth, like, organizing camp. And then I was knee-deep in like food justice work at the time. And I was single and fancy free. And then these kids became in the care of the system. And I am also a product of foster care. So I was just placed in a position of like, I'm able and willing. And if I can contribute to breaking a cycle, then let's try. I don't think I've done that. But-- so, I went from being single, fancy free, doing this amazing work, to now doing it with children and never slowing down, if that makes sense. So I was still having 60-hour weeks, still going to meetings, with two children in tow, utilizing public transportation. And I didn't know it was too much. Because it was just like, well, this is what you have to do. And it-- we didn't have the narrative of like resetting and resting or slowing down or giving yourself grace. I really come from the grind culture which, has its benefits. So, that's led to-- that's a bulk of what led to me taking time off now.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=94.0,264.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/4","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nWe relocated to Atlanta. I was teaching-- prior to relocating, I was still working at ICAH, I became the associate director, the first one in a 30 year old organization. And I was a professor at DePaul and Northeastern while raising these kids. Sounds crazy to hear. And I had energy and capacity and realized that-- there was a blizzard this year, I think it was 2011, and I was like I'm done. I grew up in Hawai'i and California. So I was like fuck this shit. My kids will not endure, and we don't have to. And so I was like, this mighta been December or January of that-- of 2012. And I was like, I'm moving down So-- I'm moving back down South. I was like, I'm re-migrating back down south. And that was the whole theme. And within six months, by July 4, of 20-- must've been 2011. 2011, 2012, we were in Atlanta. My best friend at the time, said that he would house us, he knew I wasn't gonna be working. That was a whole shit show in itself. But that's how we got here. I was just like, you all deserve to live a life that isn't the hustle and bustle, and more akin to what I experienced in Hawaii. So space, heat, sunshine. Not what I experienced in Hawaii was Black people. So it was also like Black people, I moved to Chicago 'cause it was hella Black. I was like, I'm always going to make the choice of how I engage with whiteness. And so moving to Atlanta said, I would have that choice, whereas moving to another city, I wouldn't have that choice.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=264.0,357.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/5","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nSo we came down here and I was like, I'm gonna be an entrepreneur. I'm gonna ride my bicycle, I'm gonna practice yoga, Imma learn how to grow food. So those were the things that I wanted to do in the South. And that was part of taking care of myself, that was part of this big transition. And I wanted to show up for the boys, in this very fairy tale way, now that I look at it, about being very present and available to children. Because we've been told, you know, that, at least in Black households, generally speaking that like, you know, there's a latchkey kid, there's already less people in the house tending to them. And it's looked down upon and I thought that, let me be as available as possible. I think it was to my de-- to all of our detriment, but also not having a job, I realized I was paying-- I had a condo in Chicago, that I had just recently got. When I left, I put a friend in there. She wasn't paying rent, so I was paying the mortgage. I was rent-free here, but I was also paying two Montessori tuitions. And I didn't have a job. So a lotta money was going out. And over time, I realized, I was-- I'm really scared. I hoard money. Very scared to not have money, 'cause I don't have family that can support me. And so it created this-- despite coming down here for rest and transformation in a easeful way, I found myself at a certain point in time, like what the fuck? Like, I have to have income coming in. But I did not wanna go back to work, I was already at a point where I'd-- I could not work under somebody else, nor could the South pay me, at the time, what I was worth, and it-- the stress of the nonprofit at upper management level just was not worth it to me. So I piecemealed a life together.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=357.0,464.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/6","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nSo with that, 'cause the original question was, talk about my work. With that, I got trained in yoga, I became a certified yoga teacher. I went through HABESHA Works to learn how to grow food. And then I started the Atlanta chapter of Red, Bike and Green. And these are-- you know, figuring out how to make money with yoga led me to Charis bookstore, even though I didn't make any money, but to offer commun-- create community space for people to practice yoga at an affordable rate, which was mostly free. Red, Bike and Green took me into mobility justice work, which, at the time term didn't exist as far as I know. And so the group of people I was working with expanded it, but basically Red, Bike and Green uses biking as a tool for physical and mental health, keeping the Black dollar in the community a little bit longer and reducing our carbon footprint, even though we understand climate change is a macro level problem. But being an example of possibilities, and that's kinda how I thought of the work that I was doing is, how can I be an example of possibilities? How can I contribute to raising children in a way that we talk about in the organizing spaces? How do I live a life aligned with the values that I believe in? And so those things that I came down here to do, were part of that-- part of a vision that I had when I was in college in Tallahassee, Florida. I didn't get paid for any of the work I did, I ended up with a home-based yoga studio that brought in a little bit of money. But basically, it became a hustle to be in practice of the things I believe in, have public-facing, what I now know as institutions. I didn't think of Red, Bike and Green as being an institution at the time. And figuri-- in the long run, figuring out how to make money and it caused a lot, a lot of stress. I got paid. I was underpaid a great deal for a lot of contribution to different work, particularly in mobility justice. But I'm a person who believes that the grind is real and if you commit yourself to things, it does eventually come back, it might take 10 years, but it does. And I think that, yeah, 10 years later, I can afford to take time off for myself. I don't-- I believe it's worth it. It's just part of my path. It's absolutely worth it. But I'm very clear that for five of the seven years of the last 10 years, I've been extremely depressed without knowing it.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=464.0,625.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/7","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nSo being very high functioning, creating these institutions, being a model, and not knowing I'm being a model, even though I'm like, I just wanna be an example of possibilities. It's been the external gaze that has come back and said-- and shown me all the things that I've done. And so there's no way-- like, I knew I had bouts of depression. But there's no way I knew that I had been depressed that long period of time. And so now I'm reflecting. And I'm like, Holy fuckin' shit. So a friend asked me today, she was like, How are you feeling? I was like, Oh, I'm amazing. But I'm a bit overwhelmed by it. And she was like, what? And I was like, I don't know what it feels like to be like this on a consistent basis. It's only been two months. But it's more-- it's two months of consistent, just high, uplift, joy, gratitude that is felt in the body. I used to hear people say, we're grateful-- that they're grateful, and I would envy it 'cause I'm like, I'm grateful. But the way you're acting is not the way that I feel, like I wanna feel like that. And then it's an embodiment. And when I say it clicked, or it came to me, and like I said, I'm like, raindrops. Look at the little piece of grass, like, there's a cloud in the sky, the simplest things, I have a friend who wears bracelets, and she was visiting. And I was like, I love hearing you come into the room, because you're making an anno-- I just find-- and I know, I sound like one of those people now, but the simplest things and a slower pace of life. Granted, it's been very short, and it's just filled with so much delight.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=625.0,723.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/8","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd it doesn't mean things aren't hard, because there's these other moments of like, what the fuck am I doing? And it becomes very overwhelming because I come from the culture of grind and production and producing and in a way, I think I'm putting pressure on myself to have something that lasts and is sustainable. But I'm also like, we have between life and death, I have this much time left. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do, that I don't feel called to do, that doesn't feel authentically me, despite the history of who I've been and how people know me. So if I wanna skateboard, if I-- whatever I wanna do, but it's also me accepting that I can do that. Because I've created a version of myself that is like, I produce, and I create things without blueprints. And it is very inspiring to people, I've learned. Even though I've done all that work just for myself. So I think of like, the GoldenSeed childcare collective, that was a project that I needed for myself. My kids needed child care. Because I'm also not like the parent that's like, I sacrifice my whole life from you. I had dreams, goals and aspirations before they existed in my life. And although I was giving up a lot to them, I'm also super grateful because who and how they are gave me permission to like, dig deeper into parts of myself that I possibly-- I could see, but didn't know how to make happen as just like a single person, like, for what purpose, you know. And during that time, I felt like I needed a reason 'cause I wasn't doing the things. I wasn't growing food, I wasn't yoga-ing, and I wasn't doing any of it, until I got them. And so they became a North Star but in a very untraditional way. Like, it's not about-- it is about who they will become, but not in the absence of myself and not in the absence of bringing community into our lives because we can't do it without them. So yeah, that's my *laughing* work.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=723.0,847.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/9","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Dartricia Rollins  \n\nThank you. That was beautiful.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=847.0,850.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/10","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nThank you.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=850.0,851.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/11","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Dartricia Rollins \n\nAnd also, you know, we start with that question, as a grounding first to get an understanding of like, where we're going in the oral history. But also, knowing that your work is not all of who you are, even if you have tried to do it, or have done it with your values and intentions aligned. And so, you're a whole person and so this is a whole life interview. And we're gonna go back to the beginning of your life. But first we would like to ask you, who would you like to dedicate your oral history to?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=851.0,890.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/12","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAhh. That's beautiful. Definitely my mother line. Well, let me not say just my mother line but my mother line, and then my paternal grandmother, so she's you Eula Cobb, she raised me from eighth grade on. And my mother, Dolores Nina Alabanza, who died when I was 11, whose birthday was just on the 29th of January. And then her mother, Dolores Alabanza, who also is deceased, and I can't recall, but she was the first one of those three women to transition. But I would say the mother lines of both my maternal and paternal side is who this is dedicated to because also when I look back-- and the little bits I know of like the great-grandmas and things like that, I'm like, Oh, I'm-- I have you in me. *laughs* So it's really cool to see that come up in life. And then I'll say, I'm learning-- I would also like to dedicate it to my children Cassius and Marley, but also the people that I've had the privilege of loving with my whole heart, no matter how hard that has been at times, and that I still love them greatly and deeply and love them more now absent of what they're able to offer me. And I'm like having this strong realization of how beautiful I am, to be able to love people in absence of anything they're offering me in the current moment, or in a current, like, timeframe. And that feels like an unconditional love. And I think that in this lifetime, I'm really interested in what unconditional love is that is healthy as well, 'cause I think there's unconditional love that is not healthy and and pushes your boundaries in ways that make you recognize that's abusive, like, I think there might be a thin line between unconditional love and abuse. So that's something I'm exploring, but I'm very aware of loving people right now who I am not in relationship with of any sort. And that's pretty amazing.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=890.0,1026.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/13","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Dartricia Rollins \n\nThat is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing. And so you've already kind of answered a little bit of this, but I want to ask a very specific question of where, and when were you born and who raised you?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=1026.0,1044.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/14","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nI was born on June 22, 1980, Gemini/Cancer, cuspy. It's a crazy *laughing* combination of things. In San Francisco, California, to my mother and my father. His name is-- or was Henry Hall. I knew him as Ambi, which means father in Japanese. I don't know a lot about their relationship. I-- though-- so he just died. Crazy shit. He died on the same day as my mother, umpteen years later, *laughs* last year while I was in Sierra Leone, so that's crazy. But he had lung cancer and brain cancer. And when we tried to talk, he couldn't answer a lot of questions. But the one question he could answer that I asked was, you know, where he met my mom. So he met my mom on Octavia Street in San Francisco. Octavia Butler and I share the same birthday. *laughs* And so it was just like, of all things for him to recall, I appreciate that it was something about my mother, because I never took the opportunity 'cause we don't have a relationship to learn about her through him. But that little bit of information was just kind of like-- and the crazy thing is Octavia Butler also has a character-- not named after me, but has a character named Zahra who is a lot in my liking, in ways, so just you know, that's sweet.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=1044.0,1127.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/15","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nBut um, when I was about six months, is what I've been told, my mother relocated back to O'ahu, on the North Shore in a town called Haleiwa. So we lived in Haleiwa and Wailua and I was raised there 'til I was 11 years old, which is when she transitioned, in 1991. So, my broth-- myself, my brother Kaliff, and my brother Kaleo, were raised in Hawai'i, one of the brothers was also born there. And my mother found herself there, a long time prior. She has two sets of children. So her first set, a lot of them experienced Hawai'i. And the narrative that I've said, is that she moved there-- however she got there was one thing but she stayed because that was her happy place. And she was a different person by time she got there. And then she was also a different person raising me and my brothers versus the first batch of kids. The first batch of kids had a very-- there was no-- they weren't poor. They like, got to do equestrian and show dogs and just had a pretty lavish life but my mother was also abused by her husband, but he had money. And so there-- you know, there's things that come with that. And I've also learned some things about my mother that-- my siblings, older siblings had a completely different experience than I did. By time she had me, she was a completely different person, was a carefree spirit, and just not who she had been in the past. And so I got a different version of her but for a much shorter period of time.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=1127.0,1231.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/16","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nBut yeah, Hawai'i, I was a Black little girl runnin' around with no shoes on, a cloth diaper, and no shirt. I lived pretty well, in my opinion, in hindsight, and there, I think that that's totally the basis of who I am at my core, that-- when people learne that I grew up in Hawai'i and California, they're like, oh, you make sense now like. And I think there is a free-spiritness that comes from living by the water, living on the coast, and then even living out west. A thing I hate about California is just-- it's such a multicultural place that-- I made up the theory, when I went to college, and was like, oh, the more west you move Black people, you lose your Blackness. Like, you forget. You get caught up in being mixed-race, having mixed kids, or color-- you know, people don't see color. So many of my nieces and nephews are married to non-Black people, you just unconsciously are taught in so many ways to internalize racism just-- I think, really exists if you go west, and have multiple generations of Black folks out there and of a particular class, as well. Right. And that wasn't necessarily my experience. But I am very aware of how living in California allowed me to have what is now named Black girl magic or the free-spiritness that we get to like, uphold in Blackness that, like never existed in language before, you know. So I feel very fortunate for the upbringing and that I can-- throughout my whole life been able to source that joy and that ease or that like-- shit, just carefreeness, you know, without feeling away about it, without having to make it make sense. It was just the way I am. And I know that that is a huge privilege to not have had the burden of not being able to be that way, so.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=1231.0,1356.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/17","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Dartricia Rollins  \n\nAnd was your mother Japanese?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=1356.0,1358.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/18","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nShe was Mexican and Filipina, but we also have like Fijian in us. There are some other things in us but that's the biggest combination of things. Mexican and Filipina.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=1358.0,1372.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/19","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Dartricia Rollins  \n\nOkay, I latched on to you using a Japanese phrase. So I was wondering if that is where you got it from. So what was it like growing up Black in Hawai'i?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=1372.0,1387.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/20","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nDefinitely was-- my first experiences with racism are knowing that I was Black. We're in Hawai'i, despite Cambodians, Hawaiians, Filipinos being as dark as me, having hair at times as nappy as mine, there was still a clear distinction that I was Black or that we were different despite complexion and the phenotype stuff, which was really bizarre to me, I remember-- and I didn't know my mom wasn't Black. My mom was just mom. Period. And then she kept company, like a lotta Rastas live in Hawai'i. So I also was raised around a lotta Rastas. And so it's like, despite my mom not being Black, I was surrounded by Black people, and people of color, but people of color were very harmful. I was in the fifth grade, there was a boy named Jason. He was Filipino, maybe Hawaiian. And the Janet Jackson song called Black Cat was out. I musta pissed him off in the after school program that my mother was the facilitator of, 'cause he comes in the gym-- I was probably taunting him. I was an asshole then too. But I was taunting him. He comes in, he pushes the cafeteria tables out the way, starts callin' me black cat. And at some point I get insulted. And I'm sure this isn't the first incident that me and this sixth grader have had, but that was the last straw and we got in a fight. And I whupped his ass. And my mom watched. And then like people cheered because I-- he probably was a bully and I was just done, you know? But he made it very clear. His racist ways made it very clear that I was Black. There was-- I remember names, it's crazy. There was a girl named Michelle maybe Cruz, and she made fun of my lips. She called them chocho lips. So all the, you know, the features of being Black. The phenotype features of being Black were always picked on by the kids.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=1387.0,1502.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/21","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nI remember wanting-- Now I've always had a head full of hair. But I wanted straight hair I could run my fingers through because everybody else had that. So that was-- I never had a issue with like complexion or any of that shit. It was hair. And it wasn't 'cause it wasn't long, it was because I couldn't run my fingers through it and everybody else could. There was a girl, light-skinned girl named Nohelani, she had this dark, straight black hair. And I just remember wantin' hair like hers. Because it was, it-- I hated doing my hair. Like I would sit there with a ponytail and cry, tryna get it in that ponytail, right? This is like after my mom stopped braiding my hair. But-- so I recall racism from my peer group, from other people of color at school, but then again, I-- my mother, I guess consciously or unconsciously surrounded us with Black people. There were other Black kids that were military kids, I-- we-- my siblings' godfather lived behind us, they had two teenage Black children. So we were always surrounded by Blackness. And in a way, I wanna say my mom was probably pro-Black. And just made a lot of intention for us to see ourselves. The books, the dolls, they all were Black. So I didn't grow up with any complex. I also, though made aware of my race very early, it didn't dim my light or make me think less of myself, kind of thing at all. I just was made aware that we are not the same. Yeah, but Hawai'i also has a-- not a large Black population, but when you think of the army bases that are there, Black folks get stationed there. So that's always a question as adult, when I say I grew up in Hawai'i, they're like you're military? And shit pisses me off, 'cause again, it singles Blackness to only be able to exist in certain places because of a thing, you know, and I know that I don't necessarily look like my mother isn't Black. So it's always shocking to people when I'm like, no, that's where my family-- we had fam-- Filipino family still resides there. And so when she went back, that was part of it, is we had family there, which made it very easy to move to Hawai'i. So yeah.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=1502.0,1641.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/22","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Ashby Combahee \n\nI'm curious about like, the other people who are raising you, like what was family life like, who were the adults that you considered community?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=1641.0,1651.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/23","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nSo, I have a distinct memory of my father being abusive, 'til I was about seven. Or I remember that at seven, I guess my mom was done with him, and he left the home. And then we had Auntie Alma move in, who I have theories about now that I'm excited to share, but like, she was an auntie who moved in or lived really close by and just had a consistent presence there. I think that presence was to deter my father, if he was still around, to make any attempts to be back in the house. And then a support to my mother. My theory now is they might've been lovers, which really excites me. So my Auntie Alma was around. And then, there were other-- there was just community around. I remember a family frie-- I now know them as a longtime family friend, a gentleman named Wendell. I had a godsister that was around and her mother, who was white, but their father was Black. I think his name was Nat Kakahuna. So there were sprinkles of people. And then eventually, as I was getting older, at some point, a gentleman-- my mother's longtime previous lover maybe or something, but a man comes back into her life that she had a previous relationship with. His name was Aaron. And he lived with us. And two of my older brothers had moved to Hawai'i and like had started families there. So now we had actually, sibling family there. My Auntie Paulina was there. And my mom built a community. So even saying this out loud, I'm like, she started all over. And I did exactly the same thing she did, which, I believe she intentionally built that community. And we also had family there.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=1651.0,1760.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/24","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nI don't-- like Aaron was around for a really long time. He lived with us, but I don't recall him, like, raising me if that makes any sense. He was a figure and very present, but I don't recall like him taking us places or disciplining us, which as I'm saying this, kinda reminds me of the most significant primary relationship I've had, that we can talk about later, but just making these connections for myself. So yeah, oh, and there was a Buddhist community. So my mother was Buddhist, like the Tina Turner kind, and I'm what's considered a fortune baby, so she chanted her entire pregnancy with me. And there's a lot of stories about when I would enter the temple, how attentive I was, even for just like such young ages. And just people-- being a fortune baby and apparently all the shit that that comes with, which is supposed to be good stuff, but the temple, the spiritual community being really drawn to my family and myself, and people saying a lot of things that I was attuned to at a very young age. So I know her spiritual community was very-- and that her and my father, both, were Buddhist, my father was Buddhist, and I think that that's what brought her into it, which-- I think my mother, she was very strikingly beautiful, and was-- lived a life to be able to get most of the things that she wanted, from what I could tell, and still felt really empty, I believe, until she met my father, who was a spiritual person that introduced her to the spirituality that she practiced until she died. So yeah, that, and then living in this place, this paradise place like, you know, puts you in a position. So she was 39 when she had me, and then she had two more kids. She had been having kids since she was 15. But when I think about her, this happy place, this age in which she's coming into knowing herself differently, I feel like it's the very similar situation that I'm having at this point in my life, where it's just like, all the things you thought mattered actually don't. And time-- we're on borrowed time. And so, you know, how are you gonna live the rest of your life out? When, at the end of the day, yes, it has impact on other people, but you should be centered to your own life. Again, I get to make up this narrative about her, but it helps like connect me to her in ways too, to see myself in her, so. Yeah.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=1760.0,1925.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/25","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Dartricia Rollins  \n\nMmm. And then you talk about I think you said, your paternal grandmother, is who raised you after your mom passed away.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=1925.0,1943.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/26","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nSo my mom passed away in March of '91. I moved with my sister Tracy, in Moreno Valley, California. She has a son, she has a husband. Moreno Valley is a military town, has like an Air Force Base. Her husband was in the Air Force. They take me and my youngest brother in. There was-- my mom didn't have a will. And so you're having 30-year-old siblings figure things out what mo-- or what my mom verbally told them. So my brother Khalief goes to my paternal grandmother, and then Khaleil and I go to my sister, and I'm with my sister-- so fifth, sixth and some of seventh grade. And I was a hellraiser. I- *laughs* I mean, I'm dealing with the death of my mother and siblings-- my sister might've been 30-something, very early 30s, maybe late 20s. And she has her own family. I don't know if they knew to put me in therapy or counseling. I don't know what their experiences are. But I got jumped into a gang when I was in the seventh grade. I got my first tattoo when I was in the seventh grade. I jumped other people into a gang. Gangs make sense now to me, like, as you're looking for a source of family, something to connect with. But I got good grades. Like you-- I was not in trouble. I did really troublesome things, but I didn't get caught doing them, right. And I-- me and my sister, I-- I can't imagine what it was like for her to take me in at that point. And I only know this in hindsight, 'cause I created a narrative of like abandonment and all this shit with her, that I didn't hold against her. We have a fine relationship, but that I held onto my 11-year-old-self narrative up until about last year. And I never had to think twice about that narrative. But I believe she did the best that she could.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=1943.0,2062.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/27","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nSo at one point, when I'm-- in '91, still, my father I guess, pops up and was like, these my kids, I want my kids. And my sister didn't fight him and didn't feel like she could 'cause there was no legal guardianship or anything like that happening. And so she gave me to my father. I say he kidnapped me because I was told at that age, I could say who I wanted to live with. And I didn't want anything to do with him. Nothing at all. I didn't have any fond memories, or any memories beyond what little I had. But my sister didn't feel like she could fight him. So he takes us. He drives down with my cousins from Northern California. And he takes us. And he takes us to Modesto, California, which is in the Central Valley. And it's where E \u0026 J is made, if anybody cares *laughing*. And he takes me to his mom's house, my grandmother Eula. And what I remember is, she had a set of rules that he was unwilling to follow. And he pulled this whole, well fuck it, I'll take the kids then. And he's an addict. He's been-- he's ex-military, Vietnam War vet, in and out of jail. Now you have these three kids, and you don't wanna listen to the rules of your mother, but yet you don't have shit to offer us. So I remember us sleeping outside one night, because he didn't want to follow her rules, but like, dragged us around a whole day. And then it's time to sleep. And it's like, nigga, we don't have anywhere to sleep. And we're sleeping outside in your mother, my grandmother's backyard. I think that she let-- if I recall, she let him stay there a couple days, let us say a couple days 'til he figured out what we were gonna do. And I remember this particular incident where he was telling me how to fix my hair. I'm like, nigga, you have not been a part of my life. Like you don't get to tell me how to look, and how to present myself. And you're not doing a good job of like caring for us because you had us sleeping outside last night. I was like, you can't really tell me shit.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=2062.0,2188.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/28","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nBut he figured something out, we make our way to San Francisco. And this is with every belonging I have, every memory I have from my mother, are in whatever suitcases and bags that we have. We get to the Bay Area, San Francisco in particular, there's a white woman there. We put-- our stuff's at somebody's house except for like, I remember this red, black and green and yellow backpack I had that had maybe essentials in it. And he takes-- we ended up at a motel of sorts. I'm pretty sure she was a sex worker. But they were friends, right? But I'm pretty sure she was a sex worker. And he-- I don't know how long we're there because there's incidents of like him telling me that my sister was a lesbian. And he was saying it in a way that should hurt my feelings. And I was just like, okay, and? He ends up just leaving one day. And I end up-- recall being with this woman and my two little brothers at a payphone calling the police to come get us because he just left. He must've been gone for a significant amount of time, or enough time for her to feel like, oh, this nigga bounced. And I remember the-- I remember us being in the police car. And like people looking at us, like why are these children in this police car and they take us to-- like foster system has like holding spaces until they can figure out how to place you, so, we get to that place.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=2188.0,2290.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/29","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nI don't hear from my father for years. This nigga just disappears. I'm in San Francisco. I remember at 11, somebody musta asked me, but I was like, keep my brothers together. There's only maybe three years different between all of us. But I-- they were so close and young. I was like they need to be kept together. I can go to a different place. So we got placed in foster care. So I did my sixth grade year in San Francisco through a foster care. A woman named Doris Brown, she lived at 945 Capitol Street. I could probably remember her number if I thought hard enough, but it was in her home, where like, she's an elder Black woman. She had a daughter that was in her, maybe 20s, and then had a granddaughter who was like my age. Her name was Tamika. So Pam was Doris' daughter and then Tamika was her granddaughter. And Tamika was mean as fuck, very mean. Doris had other foster care children but I was the oldest and she would tell me that she always sensed my mother's presence in the house. She's very loving, very caring, very Black fabulous grandmother. Like I remember she used to always have her nails done, she always wore a wig. Like she couldn't be seen without that, you know, she-- there's a meme going around about grandmas in their lingerie, like, and that's how I remember Doris, like that one nightie she had, with her robe on. But you know, it was in her home that I started my period. It was in our home that I went to my first like predominantly Black middle school, which was Aptos Middle School.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=2290.0,2395.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/30","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd that was during the time of the Rodney King riots. So my first act of like public rebellion, becoming an activist, started when-- in 1992, I think is when it happened, or '91, whenever, but we walked out, we organized and walked out when we found out the verdict for Rodney King. And I remember being at the bottom of the hill of that school, and there were signs and I don't know what the fuck we were saying, but that was my entry point into it. And, you know, it was hard. I got made fun of the entire time after leaving Hawai'i. I learned that I had a very immigrant experience, I talked funny. When I lived with my sister, it was like, I smelled funny because of the food we ate, which wasn't like traditional Black food. I looked funny. Like my hair texture, San Francisco was-- or Calif-- when I was younger, California was a place where my physical appearance set me apart. They-- I don't know, I recall, just when I was younger, people knew I was mixed. Which then led to girls being jealous of me because of the texture of my hair, not even the length of it. But it's like, she got good hair type shit. And so I just recall often having to play the game so that I didn't get in fights, or make friends with appropriate people. Or be loud and big, and talk a lot of shit, so people didn't fuck with me because I was so transient. It's like, that's fresh meat. She look funny, she talk funny, let's get her. So I had to figure out how to not be that person.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=2395.0,2496.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/31","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nBut so yeah, I lived with Doris for a year. And then there was a point in time where they asked me what I wanted to do, or they gave me an option. And it was like, go to my paternal grandmother, to Eula's house, or go back to my sister. And I was like, oh, I don't want shit to do with my dad's side of the family. Like fuck them. I felt like they were so close and distanced. I was mad at my father, my brothers had been placed with my grandmother. But I was like, I don't want shit to do with y'all. So I went back to my sister Tracy's house. And then that just didn't last long. I was fuckin' around. And this is when I got jumped into the gang in the seventh grade, and running the streets, disobedient. And so she eventually like washed her hands in me. We had some physical altercations, as well. And she was going through a divorce. And I think-- or they were having problems. And I think my presence also contributed to it, that whole, well, that's your sister, and she's not listening, and this is how it's affecting the household. And very similarly, now, I'm just like, oh, she was forced to figure out what was best for her and her family. And that meant me not being there.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=2496.0,2569.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/32","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd I ended up back-- I ended up with Eula, I ended up with my grandmother by my eighth grade year. And I didn't wanna be in Modesto. I hated it. It wasn't Black. And I was like, I used to live in Southern California, regardless that it was a podunk town, but like, comin' in real big, real hot, different, I'm now a big fish in a much smaller pond. And my grandmother was strict. She put me on birth control in the eighth grade. She was like, what I'm not gon' have, is you havin' kids. And I think she had a negative perception of me without really knowing me, and of a generation that could not fathom this child, has-- in the past, I would've said traumatic experiences. But now I just say like, I had lived a lotta life by that time. I don't-- when I think of trauma and I wa-- I choose the word carefully because we live in a culture now where everything is traumatic, and I'm like, some shit is just fuckin' life. I don't know who told y'all it was gon be fair. There's no judge and jury that makes it fair, right? So I no longer say that like I had a traumatic upbringing 'cause I didn't. I just experienced like-- my mom died when I was young and it's really fucked up. But that's life. Again, this is on the other side of a lotta years but, Eula wasn't havin' it. And she, as a Black Southern-- she's from Mississippi and Alabama, she was like, this is what's gon' happen. She was a nurse. She left very early in the morning and so she employed my cousin to tend to us after school. She was not affectionate, just ima-- you know, she has-- I sat with her and got a lotta her history. She was on sharecropper land picking cotton at a very young age, lucked up with the way she became a nurse, which wasn't through like college, like a degree. It was just, however, people got to become nurses back then, that's how she became a nurse and was still a nurse. She was in her 60s when she took on three children, her son's three children. And in hindsight, I'm just like, holy fuckin' shit. And she never was married. She was raped, I'm pretty sure my father and my aunt are a product of rape. They don't have the same father. And she did, not only the best she could, but she did a really fuckin' phenomenal job, in that-- again, she hired my cousin to be-- to cook our meals, to be present while she wasn't. I had chores, I earned an allowance, but her rule was just like, bring home good grades, basically, you can do whatever the fuck you want, as long as you bring home grades, and I don't get a call from the school type thing. And that was easy for me. I was like, that's all I gotta do? And I can still run these streets, you know, and be the rebellious person I was?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=2569.0,2761.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/33","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nBut there was a lot of-- the lack of affection took a toll and my brothers were much different than me. They-- without the presence of our mother, our parents and foster care, by time we were all reunited, we were very different. And so we weren't collectively close anymore. And so this is-- I'm in the eighth grade, they're in like maybe fifth and third grade or something like that. They're super close, but so much had happened in the time we were apart that I'm a completely different person now. And it was sad because we were so-- we were three peas in a pod like, inseparable. And my mom dying and us being separated really affected our relationship because of the age that I was, I was a teenager, I don't fuck with my little brothers, but they did not recover well or cope well. The age-appropriate acting out just continued and continued and they were diagnosed with ADHD, I think at a time that was more about giving them Retin-- one of those R--","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=2761.0,2829.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/34","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Ashby Combahee  \n\nRitalin?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=2829.0,2829.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/35","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nRitalin. Right, right. So that's that era, which is like-- I don't believe that's something they prescribe anymore. But my grandmother not being as formally educated, just listening to these white doctors, my brothers ended up on Ritalin. And I know that they self-medicated, meaning they either took it or didn't because they liked or didn't like how it made them feel. But there was no therapy. And she might've tried but it-- my grandmother, though doing a good job, also was very performative to have us look and present a certain way to the family. So I remember there's these-- they're not [unclear] but like, the Sears pictures, and-- just very Black, very of that generation where no one really knows what the children are experiencing, because adults don't ask questions. You're fed, you got a roof over your head, you got clothes on. You're good. Nothing should be wrong, right? But-- and nothing was wrong. But my broth-- we needed more than we were getting from emotional standpoint. So they ended up in and outta juvie in different ways, and group homes. But that was pretty much after I left the house. When I was 16, I got caught with my boyfriend in the house, my brother snitched on me. I was 16 or 17. And my grandmother kicked me out, rightfully so. And it was also after an incident of a older cousin sexually-- attempted to sexually assault me. And when my grandmother kicked me out, it's like I felt safer not being in that house, because that's where his attempt occurred. And there was no-- I don't know if I told anybody, but the circumstances don't feel like they would have allowed for me-- and if I did tell somebody, they didn't listen. So when she kicked me out, I was like, cool, great. I left. I-- you know, and we have different versions of the story. She says she came back from vacation and I wasn't there. And I'm like, nah, G,  I don't-- you don't leave a good house.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=2829.0,2955.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/36","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd I ended up staying with this white family that I played basketball with their daughters, like very white. They lived in rural Modesto. They had horses, red hair, *laughs* drastic change. I didn't hate my grandmother, but I was glad to be gone. I think it allowed me more freedom. And I was already maneuvering a very independent life. Like I said, as long as I brought home good grades, I could do what the hell I want. And you know, I got a jo-- I did all the things. Especially like when I think about applying for college, I'm a first-generation, on both sides, graduate and she couldn't help me with that process. And so I remember having to write, at 18-- and I think, I'm pretty sure I lied, 'cause I'm sure my grandmother was claiming me on her taxes but I like, \"I'm a ward of the state. No one claims me on their taxes so I can't provide you with financial information for FAFSA.\" This is at 18. These are formal documents I was writing and getting notarized. So I was very independent. This white family though-- so this is my senior year. They were cool. They supported me. But they also-- again, looking back, I was senior class president. And I remember my senior year, playing basketball, the coach slaps me. A white woman coach slaps me, in the middle of a game. And you know, I remember my fist balling up and the assistant coach, who was a lesbian-- I can't think of her name right now, but definitely was lesbian. She grabs my hand as she sees that I'm balling it up and just like, tells me to chill out. No one addresses this white woman, she keeps her job, she gets to quit because she has fucking guilt. But this family who I ended up living with and might've been living with at the time, like-- I don't recall them raising hell about this adult slapping me, you know, and that contributes to then how I feel about them in some shape or form. So I'm already a Black child, you think you're doing the savior thing is what I learned later on, 'cause their daughter ended up dating my ex's brother. And the fact that she was with a Black boy was like, my fault, and they blamed that on me. And so what they did was, overheard a conversation I was having with my sister, about just all the things-- which I'm sure, I expressed gratitude for being able to be there, but I said a lotta shit. And so I get a letter days later about how ungrateful I am, all this shit. This is an adult, white-- she would be considered a Karen, telling me how ungrateful I am, not putting into place now that I think about it, how young I am and what I'm experiencing and what I'm maneuvering, but how I should be grateful that they let me stay with them, which I was. But as soon as that letter hit, I was already graduating and I was like, I'm-- deuces, I'm out. And I remember my friend Tony Little helping me pack my shit. And then I moved in with my boyfriend's sister at the time.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=2955.0,3139.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/37","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nSo that's the compilation of people, between my mother, my sister-- so there's another sister Valerie who, she didn't raise me, but she's the matriarch. She's the oldest. She lived in California, LA area. So while I was with Tracy, Valerie was very present. What's interesting about Valerie is-- so she's married. Three kids, they live in Orange County, Yorba Linda, which is very at the time, and probably still is, very whitewashed, desert, suburbia. Her kids were Jack and Jill kids, even though she is a former Panther. But I remember that time with them meant that I got to experience archery and canoeing and foods that I hadn't been introduced yet because they definitely had a different life due to class. Tracy wasn't poor, but they were more working class. And then my sister I think was just considered middle class, had a upstairs-downstair house, had art collecti-- all this shit. So I got to experience a lot of things that I wasn't afforded in other places. And then I lived with my grandmother who also was working class and single, right. So that's also probably why my brothers-- just-- there's no way even though we had cousins and aunts and uncles in the area, who we would go to their house after school, there's something about someone living in the household that makes a huge difference and takes the burden of everything off of one person. So yeah, those-- and then my sister Addison, she was in LA, but she she's the one before me, she's 17 years older than me. So there's that gap. She was present and she was the-- in the ways that she was but she was the fresh, fly sister who was out livin' her life. She was a professional chef. She had-- appeared to have money. So she was present while I was livin' with Tracy, but when I went to foster care and moved with my grandmother, this is where this major divide happened between me and my sisters. My brother champ-- both my brothers, older brothers, were still living in Hawai'i and lived there a very long time after my mother died. One is still there. But nobody-- none of my sisters came to Modesto. They didn't engage with me. They didn't offer anything. They came to-- Addison came to my graduation with my nephew, but there was nothing. They didn't offer me much. And in hindsight, it's like you all are young and figuring it out. And then you-- there's these young siblings and I just-- I give grace now that people didn't know what to do. And maybe they have different narratives as well, but the-- I just remember that being where the crux in our siblingship started. Because I understand. I'm like, I'm right here. I don't have a mom anymore. Why aren't you all doing more stepping in? Even if I'm not living in the household or in the area, we're in the same state. I'm not in Hawai'i. So yeah, that-- those-- it's all women. All women. And very different experiences, too. So yeah.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=3139.0,3331.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/38","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Dartricia Rollins \n\nMmm. And then you go off, to be independent, and you apply to college.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=3331.0,3342.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/39","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nSo I graduate top 3% of my class. I'm senior class president, all I wanna do is go to UCLA. And I also played basketball and ran track, right. So there was always this hope that I would get a scholarship 'cause who afford it. And I have great guidance counselors, I remember that. I don't get it. So affirmative action is a big thing. Proposition 209 doesn't pass, so they take affirmative action away the year I'm graduating from high school. And despite like graduating with 3.83 GPA, senior class president, all the accolades to be accepted into college -- and I was only going to college because I didn't wanna work at McDona-- like the options were minimal. You go to military, you work fast food, or you go to college. That's what my options were. And I wasn't like studious, like I learned how to maneuver the system in high school. So I did really well. But again, first-generation, this isn't-- my grandmother wasn't pushing it down my throat. It's very much, you can just go get a good job, you know. But I decided college was a thing. I didn't get into UCLA, which was really, really heartbreaking 'cause that's where I wanted to go. I didn't have the test scores, and then with affirmative action not being a thing anymore, it didn't matter, you know, so I got into UC Irvine, UC Riverside, Long Beach State. And in my mind, I was like Snoop Dogg's from Long Beach. That means there's gonna be lotsa Black people there. When I was in high school, my Spanish teacher every d-- every week, would ask what we did over the weekend, and I would say I went to Africa, like, I don't know-- when I say I have been Black, Black and fully aware of my love for being Black. It goes that far back where in high school, this white teacher would ask, what'd you do this weekend? I'm like, Oh, I went to Africa. Probably couldn't've named a country at the time, but I was gonna let y'all know I am Black, and I'm proud to be Black. So Long Beach, in my mind was gon' have a lot of Black people.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=3342.0,3461.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/40","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nSo I went away to Long Beach. Drove down to Southern California-- my sister Tracy, so we're back reunited. My sister Addi-- me and my boy-- fiancé at the time-- go to California, we stay with Addison and her white girlfriend. And this is important because my sister then goes through this large identity crisis, but she's with this fat white woman who, I think-- they asked us to leave and I'm sure it's because my partner, my boyfriend, or fiancé at the time, was this Black man like, and stereotypically, was a nigga. Baggy clothes, all of it, any stereotype, I mean he didn't do drugs or none of that shit, but from a white lens? You have this very Black man in your house, and my sister asked us to leave. I don't know where we-- where I went, I think I sent him back to Modesto. Or he eventually was like, I don't wanna do this anymore. He couldn't leave home basically. So he left. Tracy and I get an apartment. And we're sleeping on mattresses on the floor. I think she's going through a divorce or separation at this point. And I remember enrolling myself into Long Beach, getting my financial aid, the internet had just come out. Tracy was like, you can send an email-- and it didn't just come out, this is my access to it. My-- I was Calikid 1515@aol.com. And I just was like, holy shit. I can send something like right no-- I remember my mind being blown this particular day on campus, I could tell you what I had on, all of this shit.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=3461.0,3556.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/41","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd I figure it out, but I'm also really, really terrified, 'cause I'm alone, I'm with my sister who, we're not that close. And yeah, I enroll, I'm figuring financial aid out, she's figuring rent stuff out. I'm sure there's some-- in the large context of the word that we use now as sex work, there's definitely some sex work going on to keep house over our head on both of our parts, right. And that's a thread throughout a lot of my existence is like, engaging with people so that I had a place to stay, 'cause I've had bouts of like being unhoused and shit like that. But yeah, I enroll, I mighta gone to a couple of classes and depression sinks in, from what I recall. And I was like I don't wanna do this, I wanna go back to Modesto and I'm the first person that was like, fuck this podunk town. Get me the hell out of it. I'm never returning, and I was the first person. to. come. back. And the thing that saved me was, I ended up at the junior college, Modesto Junior College, running track. So I went back to something that was very familiar. The track coach helped me get a house for myself, and I was housed with, now I think it was this Nigerian immigrant athlete named Daniel Omotayo. And in order to not put a deposit on for this apartment, we had to clean it, and it was a shit show, but we cleaned it. And this is just what you did at the time, right? You-- I was hustlin' from then, you know, so it's like, Okay, now I got this apartment this coach hooked me up with, there's a little bit of scholarship. And it also became the house of like everybody, like everybody who still lived with their parents-- it's junior college, so people are still living at home. Anybody who had moved down like, this was the house everybody kicked it at. So this is the beginning of me creating communal space. And Real World had just come out, and I was like-- I remember one summer, we were sitting in the living room with our feet in a bucket of water, because for some odd reason the wall unit air conditioner was only in the kitchen. And I was like, we need cameras. This is the real world, like, that shit y'all doing on TV that you got all this money to do-- cooling yourself down in a hot ass summer in the middle of California with your feet in water buckets is the real world.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=3556.0,3698.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/42","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nBut, so I did like a year and a half there at Modesto Junior College. Ended up getting another apartment, my boyfriend moves in, this is that fiancé guy, his name is Paco. He was abusive. So that was my first bout experiencing domestic violence myself, was actually-- might've been-- I don't know, I'd have to think a little bit longer about it. But he ends up moving in with me, I am working at the school, running track, get pregnant, have-- there's some blur. Oh, I'm engaging with another person, me and the ex are off ad on, I get pregnant. And I don't know who the father is. The other guy is white. I was like, we don't need to find this out. We don't need to go through any of this. I knew very well having a child at that point would derail my entire existence. And I would say-- I would've definitely said at that point, ruined my life. Now I know that people figure it out. But I terminated and it was probably one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life, in regards to how I live now. I could not imagine being that young raising a child. And I don't think that I would have created such a stable existence for myself I had a kid that early.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=3698.0,3798.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/43","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nMe and the fiancé get back together, his family moves in with me. So I have a one-bedroom apartment where you have to go into the bath-- the bedroom to get to the bathroom. That's how small it is. His sister, her two kids, her husband, his little-- and his two younger brothers are living with me, living with us, where I paid-- the rent was $300. But that was a lot in 1998, '99. And his sister and mom contribute to cooking and things like that. But I recall niggas just being niggas and not offering anything, right, and it just-- this just all correlates back to where I'm at now. But that was just a very early on experience. He and I-- I don't know what happened first. There was an incident-- oh, he and I get in a fight. His family is there. I don't know what the fight was about. But he picks up a knife. I'm standing by the door. He's in the kitchen. And he throws it. But it doesn't hit me, it hits his brother, like right here. So now there's blood everywhere. Who knows what happens, but at some point, we agreed to stay together and go to Florida together. I'm like, all we need to do is change our environment, which, 101, niggas don't change. But I really thought us moving away would be helpful. New beginning, no external influences. And again, I'm the acclaimed one. I'm the scholar-athlete. Everybody knows me. He's basically riding my coattails, but what he offers me is familiarity and stability while I'm deciding that I'm gonna go to Florida. And I'm going to Florida because the first ever like recruitment thing I get for track and field is from University of Florida. And I'm like the Gators! I'm gonna go run at University of Florida. And my high school friend, he was a year behind me, Tony Little, he told me about FAMU. He was like, it's this all-Black school. And I was like, word? All Black people? He was like, yeah, and because he was going, I was like, fuck it, I wanna go there instead. And so my coach started helping me reach out to them and the coach there at FAM was like, yeah, you can come walk on. Now, Florida A\u0026M is in the MEAC (Mid-Eastern Athletic Conference), which is not as big as D-1 SEC. And University of Florida was offering me to walk on there. No money, but I walk on SEC, I'm a 400 hurdler, so-- and at that time, a two-time All-American. So I was like-- but my heart wanted to be around Black people. So I did not go to UF.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=3798.0,3961.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/44","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nMe, Paco the fiancé, and my brother Kaliff, who's the one right under me, go to Florida. I pack up three very large bags, like there's three forks, there's three spoons, there's three plates, there's a pot and there's a pan. And you know, I organize all this. I buy our Greyhound tickets. There's no adults present in any of this process. 'Cause again, I'm living on my own. I'm now thinking that me and my grandmother were probably cool, but we didn't engage a lot. You know, she knew I was alive. And my friend Tasha Gooden, her sister was older than us, like an adult. And she met-- I believe, met us at the Greyhound station to see us off, but I caught a Greyhound from California all the way to Tallahassee, Florida. *laughs* At like 19 years old, with an abusive boyfriend and an AWOL brother, who-- my brother isn't much younger than me. But we get to Florida, and I realize that my head isn't in it for track and field. And I don't know who I am without being an athlete, but I have really bad shin splints, mentally not available to really run the way that is required of me. And also they weren't giving me money and I needed a job. So the crazy thing is, is I land at the Greyhound station. And this is my introduction to the South. I had never left California outside of Hawai'i. I went to Vegas-- but these brothers are like, you know, where are you staying and there's this accent. I'm like, huh? I can barely understand. And I was able to tell them and the look on their face was like, you stay in the straight up hood. And what didn't matter was, the rent was cheaper for a two bedroom, one bath than I was paying for a one bedroom/ studio situation in California. So it didn't matter where it was. And I'm also like, I'm from Cali, where gangs are really real. I can live anywhere, is what I'm telling myself but the look on these niggas faces was like, what the fuck? And I'm like cool, great. And-- but they're so kind that they were like-- I realized I told the landlord that we got there-- we ended up there a day earlier than I had told the people who were willing to pick us up and these brothers take us to Pasco Street, where this apartment exists and *laughs* I walk into the apartment,-- the guy's-- the owner's name is Richard Mohammed. And he is-- the carpet's wet 'cause they just shampooed it and it was that 70s dirty brown shag rug situation. And the washer-- washing machine and dryer were in the kitchen. So, where I know this is normal now, this Cali girl like-- I was like, what the fuck!? is this shit? It's humid as hell. I'm like, I do not know what's going on. Like I remember-- also this new start--","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=3961.0,4130.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/45","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nI had my eyebrow pierced, I had already had tattoos, like but I-- my hair was already natural in like 1999. I had a-- like a Jada Pinkett cut. But I'm moving to a new city. I don't wanna be judged. I want to be normal, I don't wanna be othered, and I knew the things that I had done visually to myself were already far fetched in California and I was like, the South? So took out the piercings and permed my hair to show-- appear more regular. So it was interesting, now I'm sayin' this is like, that was an instance of like, one of the few instances where I conformed to be accepted. There was like so much already newness, that I was like, I don't need any reason to stick out. That didn't stop the sticking out, but I'm in the South, and I don't understand people and I have these two men with me and I'm carrying all the weight, deposit, rent. I'm the one to get a job. I got a job at Tallahassee Community College. I'm tryna go to school, and the morale of the Black man is sucked out when they don't have shit. Like, and I am providing everything so my brother is one thing 'cause he's a child and young, but this man who is older than me-- so what, I'm 19, 20 or 20, and he's not doin' shit, and I'm bitchin' at you 'cause you not doin' shit, led to him feeling emasculated. And he started to put his hands on me again.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=4130.0,4227.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/46","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd there was this one incident, while-- so I decide not to run track. I'm dealin' with this nigga. And there's this incident. I don't know what led to it. It involves-- it was homecoming time, and he-- I thought I might be pregnant again. That had something to do with it, and I'm figuring out the abortion thing. Anyways, he whoops my ass. And I remember I fought back this time. And I-- that pissed him off more, so he went in more. And I remember the possibility of being pregnant, him knowing, and him still kicking me repeatedly, right? I have to go to work the next day, so I remember-- I could tell you, I had on khaki shorts, a lime green sweater vest with a t-shirt underneath and some white Nikes of sorts. But I had to tie a bandana, like, I wore a banda-- *laughs* I was gay and didn't know it. I wore a bandana around my head and like let the triangle lay across my face because I had a black eye. But if you could see this version of me, it definitely looked like a dyke *laughs*. It's hilarious. And I go to work, 'cause I have to make money, and the boss knew. 'Cause Paco had also worked-- I got him a job at the place too. But my boss knew. It's this white man, maybe named Jim. He knew that Paco was hitting me. He might've even pulled me aside and I told him and I was like, but don't fire him. We need the money type shit. The level of shame that I had for having a black eye and still having to be present. The lies that I made up about, like playing basketba-- just the lies that were made up, because I still needed to function in the world. And it definitely wasn't an era where like, she's always right, or like anybody's gonna do anything, because I think it was far more accepted now-- then, than it is now.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=4227.0,4349.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/47","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nBut he-- I was the college girl in the apartment complex we lived in and something happened where maybe we had an altercation shortly after that. That's what it was. So it's homecoming weekend, Lil' Mo, Shine and Donell Jones concert for $5. *laughs* I remember Shine-- before he went on stage, I happened to be outside, and he's as close as you are to me and like prays before he goes on stage. And I'm walkin' home with my home girl. And when I get home, Paco has a fit about who knows what. The police get called. He hasn't hit me on this particular occasion. But the police get called. And they're like, basically, does he receive mail here? And I'm like, yeah, and they're like, he doesn't need to leave. I'm like, no name on the lease, all the things to like, get him outta my house. And they're like, no, and has he hit you? And I'm like, no, I'm like, but the nigga is on the verge of hitting me, like what the fuck? So I-- they don't remove him. I'm like, cool, harm reduction. Let me leave. So Sandra borrowed somebody's car, comes and gets me. And we leave and I stay at her house. But then I get a phone call an hour later. Because I'm the college girl in the complex. The niggas from Miami whoop. his. ass. Whoop his ass! And I was like-- I told him, I was like, you just need to leave. This isn't working. It's not gonna work, but he insisted on staying, and they whooped his ass. So he's callin' me, he's like these niggas done beat me up, dah-dah-dah-dah-dah. And my ass was like, I told you to go. So I bought him a bus ticket. And I remember, now his brother's calling me threatening to come to Florida and whoop my ass because his brother got his ass whooped, and I'm like, chill the fuck out. He's coming home. He's fine. So Paco leaves.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=4349.0,4466.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/48","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nI don't know how long date-wise after we arrive in Florida he leaves, and I think that my brother Khalief is still there a while longer. I'm not only working at the food court, I have a job at Wet Seal and I'm a full-time student but him leaving made-- was a big lift. I no longer had to worry about that. And there was this freeness that came back to me. College was great, but it was a in-and-out, I need to get out as soon as possible 'cause I need to get a job to make money, which-- I don't have regrets. And I don't think it's a regret, but I would have experienced college different if it wasn't about getting a career to then make money. I have would've studied abroa-- I just would've been more active the way I was in high school. And they often say that, they're like, if you're active and popular in high school, when you get to college, it's not that. I didn't shine bright, from what I could tell. I was-- to be amongst all these Black-- I mean, Tallahassee had a Black mayor at the time. It was Black as f-- I was just like, this is an amazing experience. I had met Black people that I didn't know existed. Money, property, generations of folks in college. It was just like, whoa! And I took very well to it. The So-- being in the South, during the early 2000s was the best place in this country to be, like, the music, the parties, the essence of being at a HBCU. But I also-- I worked. I still had these very-- I never lived on campus, I was very responsible, and eye was on the prize. I graduated undergrad magna cum laude-- summa cum laude. \n\nzahra alabanza  1:","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=4466.0,4573.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/49","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"And then even-- so I got-- I remember walking in the hallways, and there being this thing posted that said all the things you could do with a social work degree. And it was all the people who had impacted and been a part of my journey. So the probation officer, the foster care, like caseworker type person, everything that I had encountered, and I was like, that's what I'm gonna be. Because I wanna make sure that no other young person experiences the things that I've experienced in life, right or like, be supportive the way I've had supportive people, who-- they weren't really supportive, but you know, who were present in my life in certain ways. 'Cause I ended up on probation, some time while I was living with Tracy in Moreno Valley, California, 'cause I got in a fight with this white girl. I whooped her ass, and then they charged me with like, a assault with a deadly weapon, which-- I didn't have a deadly weapon. Wasn't true, but I ended up with a probation officer. And it actually happened to be my friend's aunt. And I remember being at a football game and seeing her and being like, hey! Duh-duh-duh-- And I remember her just kinda being like, you don't have to name that you are on probation in front of your peer group. And I remember small incidents like that with caseworkers and people who were there to help. And so when I saw this poster walking in-- on campus, it was like, I'm gonna be that. So I majored in social work.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=4573.0,8260.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/50","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nGraduated summa cum laude, impressed my professors, especially 'cause I was holding so much. And they asked me in our exit interview, like, how did you manage to do so well with everything on your table? And I'm just like, is there another option? Like, this is what I know how to do, you get the job done, and you do all the things that are required. But I don't know that I clearly understood that people didn't have jobs, they didn't have major stressors, they were still children, they had space to make mistakes. That space was never allowed to me. One mistake could've been the end of any possibility of something more. And so while I wild out, it was very tapered, in comparison to peers, I learned later. And the way I wild out was always like, not even-- like, so there's a club in Tallahassee called The Moon. It's where we got-- I got introduced to the let out, so you don't even have to go to the club. You just be there when they let out. And it's a party of its own. And I was the person-- and in true fashion, 'cause I was this person in high school. Always breaking up the fights or easing the fights, or hey, police officer, we got this, like, I got this, no one needs to be arrested. I was always intervening in those kinda things.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=8260.0,8338.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/51","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nThere wasn't a lot of activism when I was-- That's a lie. Okay, so I was gonna say there wasn't a lot of activism, but I was in Tallahassee when the '04 election was happening with Bush. And it's Florida, where our votes actually counted. And so-- this is a sweet story. Don't recall where it exactly starts, but there's the Young Democrats of America. So everybody's setting in shop-- political shop in Tallahassee to get this young voter out, right. So I had a friend Javon, who was doing the Young Democrats of America. So I supported that office, but then this very radical League of Pissed Off Voters comes through. So this is Billy Wimsatt, and adrienne maree brown, 20 years ago. It's just funny 'cause of who-- great-funny 'cause of who adrienne is now. But they set up an office in Tallahassee and somehow I become the lead organizer. I don't know how that happened, I'd have to think a little harder. But we're doing voter guides, like straight up grassroots. So my entrance into actually becoming an organizer and activist is at this political moment. Canvassing, I'm recruiting a team, I'm using the Democrat of America's resources, like their office, to support this very grassroots effort. We're hosting-- we had this event called Sleep Out for Change, where we camped out in front of the Capitol, the night before voting, so that we'd be the first people in line. But there was this whole event behind it, where-- they're called Nappy Headz at the time, but it was T-Pain's rap group. And he was a part of this event, and he had like a rim around his neck, wicks in his hair. And he was supportive and active. And we-- he was the-- they were the performance of the event. And they were local favorites. So, there was a lot of work to get to the point of creating this voter guide, and then this event, but that was my entry point. And Bush gets elected. And I remember the day he get-- the day after elections, it was like, it's-- that was traumatizing. It was like, you put blood, sweat and fucking tears, whether I believed in the political process or not, I'm a whole ass ninet-- 20-some-odd-years-old, you wake up the next day and all your work just doesn't fuckin' matter. It was heartbreak-- So heartbreaking that like, I stopped engaging in the political system for many, many, many, many years.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=8338.0,8501.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/52","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nBut th-- so that was a pivotal point, 'cause then after that, I-- some of the people I'd recruited were much younger than me. I'm in grad school at this point, they are still undergrad. And we create this thing called the Inner Circle. *laughs* So basically, it's like, the system's fucked up, we gotta be able to take care of ourselves, we got to bear arms, we got to know how to grow food. But first, we need to get to know each other better, 'cause although we've done this political work, we don't know who each other are. So we would have like, Sunday workshop sessions and team-building activities and rap cyphers and break bread together. I mean, it's organizing 101, but I didn't know that then. But-- and it's also the way you start to build community, right. But I immediately go to, we work together, but we still don't know each other, so we need to dig and ground deep. I'm still in relationship, in some shape or form with every single one of those people that were part of the Inner Circle. And the brilliant thing is that, I'm the person who continued on that similar pa-- on that path, like, those values are still very much my values. We didn't-- we did all this organizing work amongst ourselves, got to know each other, built these beautiful relationships.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=8501.0,8577.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/53","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd then I graduated from grad school and an opportunity to move to Chicago to organize with the National Hip-Hop Political Convention came up. And so this was the second convention they were having, was gonna be in 2006. They had had one in 2004, where they created a hip-hop political agenda with Rosa Clemente. She was the biggest name I can think of right now. But we had these-- so a gentleman named TJ Crawford, I had met him at a convening for the League of Pissed Off Voters after the elections. And I think we were just all networking, throwing out like I'm available, who got jobs, and he offered me a job in Chicago. I was like, cool. I'm ready, because I been doin' this work here. And I'm hype, I wanna organize. And I remember saying I wanted to get paid to organize. So he offers me a job. I pack up a U-Haul. And I was dating a Haitian guy at the time and we drive to Tallahassee-- I mean to Chicago. I have no car. I land in a place-- Oh, it-- the day before I leave-- so the U-Haul is already packed. TJ Crawford calls me and he's like, the funding fell through, and I was like, *laughs* okay, like, nigga you need to figure this out because I'm packed. I've given up my life here. And I don't know if I was naive or what, but I still went, and I had temporary housing that didn't work out for a number of different reasons. And there was a friend I had, who her friend was up there and had went to FAMU and she had just bought a condo so she housed me very cheaply. I think I was paying $300 a month for a room in Bronzeville, Chicago.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=8577.0,8684.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/54","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nBut I began organizing for the 2000-- I believe it was 2006 convention that was gonna happen in Chicago. And we have a political agenda, there's these local organizing committees in a multitude of cities. So ours will call-- the Chicago one was called CHILOC. So Chicago Local Organizing Committee, and they had 'em all over. So you have a very local and regional-based organizing happening that's gonna convene in Chicago, during this year. And I'm just a do-all person. But this becomes the beginning of like my event planning, so-- part of the beginning of it, and conference planning-- this conference-- I wasn't responsible for raising money, but programming, logistics, all of that shit. So the convention happens. And I think when you do these really, really big things, you're burnt out. And so you think you'll have momentum and you don't. You don't have the capacity after all that it takes to organize this singular thing, to then come out of that singular thing, still running at a pace. It just doesn't happen. I'm not being paid for the work. I think-- TJ's  mother is a psychiatrist. And I think at the time, she had got me a job where I was doing mental health counseling, I think, 'cause that happened at some point. But here we go again, organizing for free, he never got the money to pay a salary for me, slamming in a city and piecemealing it together.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=8684.0,8779.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/55","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nBut Chicago-- so I remember being in a room with Fred Hampton Jr. and losing my shit. And being in a room with people who are on these FBI and CIA lists, because they're longtime organizers, from a multitude of issues that have existed in Chicago under the daily regime for a really long time. And I just happened to be fortunate enough to be in the places with these epic ass organizers and revolutionaries. And I just soaked it up, you know. I didn't necessarily sit at people's feet, but I was always present. Present, present, present, present. And that presence just gave me a lot of relationships, so that's how I ended up teaching at Northeastern. It's ultimately-- forgive my memory. So the convention happens. I am a mental health counselor through UI, it's the University of Illinois. And I'm livin' a really good life 'cause I'm finally makin' money. But what's funny about that is-- so his-- TJ's mom gets me this job or an interview. And the pay range is like 22,000 to 40, right? And I'm like, I have a master's degree. I am totally getting the upper amount, right? And the woman offers me $22,000 and my dumbass takes $22,000. I happened to be dating or have a friend that was like, more corporate America. And he was like, you go back and tell them you can't live off $22,000 and I did and they gave me a raise. Like I got the max and then I raised up, but that was part of like, becoming a professional and not knowing how, not knowing negotiating, not having that kind of guidance, and just being grateful to have a fucking job, even though I had a master's degree, right.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=8779.0,8892.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/56","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nI left-- so I'm living fancy free. Chicago was like, I'm making money. I got my own spot. I look great. I'm traveling. So when I was in college, one of the gentlemen from the Inner Circle, his name is Jakari. He is a mixed kid, white mama. He had like already backpacked to Europe. I was like, who does this? I met him standing in line going to a Talib Kweli concert, and I brought him on board to organize and then I'm just like, you did what? And so I remember telling him about Assata Shakur, so he put me on to bell hooks, I put him onto Assata. And I was like, I've always wanted to go to Cuba. This is an unfathomable-- it's just like, I'm just throwing it out there, talking because I've read Assata and who doesn't wanna go to Cuba after they read Assata? And months later, this nigga's like, so I'm going to Cuba. And I'm like, but nigga, I told you about Cuba. Why are we not going to Cuba? And I insert myself and in 2005, we *laughing* catch a flight to the Bahamas, and ultimately find our way in Cuba, very illegally. And it was the best way to start my traveling because it set a tone for the wha-- to note that I know what it's like, where the West doesn't have a hold on your existence, right? Like I just had a great comparative. And what it also showed me was how happy people can be with very, very, very, very little. We got hustled, we ran outta money. We made our way all the way to like Trinidad and Cienfuegos which are in the middle, made our way back with very little money but there was a woman who worked at Museo de Orishas, who we'd met on day number one. We went back to the museum and we were just like, hey, we're looking for a place, we don't have a lot of money, duh-duh-duh-duh-duh, she offers her home. And when I say like, that would never happen in the States, but let alone never happen with a family who had so little, like, a family would not put themselves out of their home to house people, right. But they did. She had maybe a sister that lived next door, but I remember they were like, on the third or fifth floor. And it's Cuba. It's dilapidated. So there's these plywood covering up-- is what you walk on. And you just hope you don't fall through. There's no running water, so there's a big rain barrel of water. There's no kitchen, so there's like a gas [unclear]. The second floor is just plywood, with a ladder, and they gave us everything they had, put the good sheets on the bed. And, you know, we offer-- we gave them what little money we had, we left all the things that we could leave that could be of use to them. And all they asked was that we send their family in Miami a picture of them, and give them a update about, like how we met them and things like that. We broke a lotta laws in Cuba. But it set the tone for the way that I travel through the world now.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=8892.0,9079.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/57","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nSo fast forward, while I'm in Chicago, I got this money and this expendable income so I start traveling a great deal more. And I'm just living really fancy free. I don't require a lot. I'm low maintenance. So I have a lot of expendable income, I save a lot of money. And I work-- I eventually take a position at ICAH, which was a pay cut, but it was organizing and I was saying I always wanted to organize. So I went from-- I think at this point, I'm making 60, 65,000 doing mental health counseling, and I dropped, maybe down to 30. So I take a major pay cut. But it's you know, you've-- we've been convinced to find the work you love and make that the work you get paid for. I now think that that's stupid, especially because the work that we love does not pay well, and so I think we've sacrificed a lot of leisure for these nonprofits that don't deserve our labor. I'd rather give free labor than get underpaid, right? So-- but I took this pay cut, I wanted to organize, they were-- it's the only position I had ever seen that paid someone to organize. And I worked my way through the organization, become the Associate Director. I learned a shitload of ski-- This is where I learned that I'm, like, truly a hustler. I can figure anything out, is because there was no systems. I mean, one of the positions I had at ICAH was the Systems Change Manager and I developed the infrastructure for the organization's HR, and in a way that is justice-oriented. So you might have regular policies and procedures, but how do we incorporate the voice of the people. And I was very much on track to be like an ED and going through all these leadership programs, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's just a crazy existence 'cause nobody's like, at five, I wanna be an executive director 'cause it's stupid. But here I am in that trajectory. And although I'm still very radical and feet grounded on the ground and doing work on the local sense, I'm also being groomed to be a long-term young professional.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=9079.0,9207.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/58","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd that was the route and I think I'm not much different-- I wasn't much different than I am now. But there weren't other paths. You got a degree, you found a nonprofit to organize for, you go do this work and and eventually you'll end up in these ED positions. So my cohort of friends in reproductive justice then, are now running the national organizations for RJ work. Like this just where you end up and all of-- the majority of them are burnt out. But that's what happened, is I got sick at ICAH. I got like chronic yeast infections. And my body was responding to being overworked, burnt out, stressed as fuck, 'cause again, there's nobody giving me the answers and my integrity says I'm accountable to the staff in a way that like, they're family, right. Like I remember one person was about to get fired because we didn't have the budget anymore and I go to the ED and I was like, I'll give up some of my salary 'cause this person has a family and they are family to us, we don't fire them, you figure it out. We ended up-- you know it pushed the ED to figure out how to keep that person on, but I was so willing to give because, I had it, right.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=9207.0,9287.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/59","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nICAH happens, I get really sick, it's horrible. Oh, so-- okay, so, ICAH's happening. I get really sick, the boys-- and I can still function, it's just extremely uncomfortable when I'm doing like-- changed my diet, I took alcohol, sugar out my diet. I had to learn-- Sistah Vegan had come out around that time. And her name is Breeze Harper. And that was really impactful. My friend, Dara Cooper was reading it at the time. And I was organizing with Dara around Haitian farmers. So we were-- it was called RISA, which stood for Rising in Solidarity with Ayiti. So we were calling out the Red Cross. It was after one of those big something hit Haiti. And the Red Cross was, you know, how they take the administration money, and we don't know how much money is going to the actual people. And at the same time, the farmers in Haiti are pushing back against Monsanto, because it's ruined their soil. So we're calling out Red Cross doing this work. And this is where I hook up with like the food justice component. There's a Black Healthy Food Hub where literally, it's in a school fact-- I know I'm all over the place, but there's a school cafeteria, where fresh produce from the local farmers is brought in. There's different kinda programming, but that was my entry point into food justice work, is this Healthy Food Hub. Meeting Dara, then doing this work with Haitian farmers.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107#t=9287.0,9383.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276107/transcript/94393/annotation/60","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nI have the boys at this point, which was-- I have the boys at this point. I'm working too many hours. Two women live with me, my friends from the Inner Circle. They find their way to Chicago at different times. But we ended up residing together in a condo that I had just bought in preparation to get the boys. So that was another thing, is like, I didn't want to buy housing 'cause I was like, I don't wanna feed into capitalism, and and my friends would be like, well, you can then provide affordable housing to yourself and other people if you do this, like here's another lens. So I bought this condo, Shamillia and Leandra are living with me. And this is the era that we called The Wonder Years. So, it was right before I got the boys. And I'm like, hey, my nephews, and this, and will you all like co-parent with me. And it's interesting, I don't share this a lot. But I was dating [REDACTED] at the time. And I was really in love. [REDACTED] and I never really wanted kids, but my insecure self and the desire to have this level of companionship, wanted kids from him. And I put that out into the universe. But I did not say from him. I was like, I want kids. And then I ended up with two kids. So thank God, they weren't his, that would've been horrible. But-- and not because of him, just-- I think who you choose to parent with, has nothing to do with love, has everything to do with who the person is. And he was a great father actually to his own children and had been a huge inspiration for and supportive of me parenting but us being in a relationship and parenting? Not gonna happen. Just wasn't-- wouldn't've been smart. So I get these two kids or-- Shamillia and Leandra are living with me. I'm like, hey, this is what happened. And I think Imma take the boys in. Are you all down to co-parent with me? And they say yes. So these are the Wonder Years. Wonderland years, which is the-- I named my house. 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(Illinois Caucus for Adolescent Health). Aw, ICAH. I was really excited to have that job. Okay, so, RJ, right. I was actually-- I got the job entry-level, my boss was Adaku Utah, who might now still work for the National abortion fund, but is pretty big in the RJ world from a-- how would I say it? I think she adds the value of human connection to it, keeping folks well that are doing the on-the-ground work. She's also an artist. But, in my interview, literally one of the people like got up and like, gave me a standing ovation and was just so excited for whatever I said I was gonna bring to the table. Major-- not a major learning curve. I think the tenants of organizing and justice just are baseline, regardless of what the issue area was, but there was a lot of studying to fully understand the history of RJ, from Loretta Ross, the naming of the work as reproductive justice. It was at a pivotal time where BIPOC folks were centering the work finally, moving away from aborti-- just abortion access and what Planned Parenthood work had looked like at that time. It became more expansive, it became, you know, Black men are incarcerated during their childbearing-- the times in which they would have children. Parental notification, huge, right. Like as a young person who got an abortion though I wasn't considered an adult, like, what that meant and having that argument, and it was just last year where they passed where no longer in Illinois, or at least Chicago, do young folks have to notify their parent of that, right. So it took all that time from before when I was organizing there. And it was a throw-- Yamani Hernandez was on the board of ICAH at the time. So I've known her since then, who, you know, she moved on to be, not only their ED, but for the National abortion fund. The ED prior to her was one of my interns.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=3.0,140.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/3","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nSo there's a rich history of like, the things that I was able to add value to the organiz-- And it was also like, shift the organization. So it's where-- so this woman Sunyata, who is my dear friend, I interviewed her in Atlanta for a job in Chicago that I didn't think the timing would work and the format of her resume was trash. But the content was mindblowing, right. She did a lotta human rights work, took young people to Geneva for the convention, did a lotta work on the border, she speaks-- she's Panamanian, she speaks Spanish. So, building radios to be able to tran-- to work on the border with folks and hosting those kinda workshops. She was on-- there was a TV-- radio show on WRFG called Radio Diaspora that she was one of the producers for, that I ultimately got grandpersoned into when I first moved to Atlanta. But I hire her and she is just like one of the most radical people. Her perspective is not drowned in emotion and is really vetted in studying. And I tell people I'm a lazy organizer, because I don't read that much. I really move off of like life experience and engaging with the present time but knowing that, I reflect of course, right, but-- so when I was at ICAH, I'm being liberated. This reproductive justice organization, the information that I'm getting is liberating me. I haven't wore a bra since 2005, right? Like Sunyata looked at me and was like, why you  even have a bra on, your titties are so small. I was like, you ain't said nothin' but a word *laughing*. So I stop wearing a bra. I have not wore one since she said that.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=140.0,235.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/4","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd then it was like, being-- I didn't identify as queer then, right? I was just like, yes, I'm an ally. I'm this, I'm that. I'm doing this work. And then as the language gets understood, and becomes expansive, I'm still not sexually queer, but I'm like, I say I'm queer because you don't need to know who the fuck I'm sleeping with. It just leaves it wide open. And that's where it started. And then, speaking with Sunyata and getting more language around the spec-- who is it, Kinsley? Somebody's scale of sexuality, right? I take one of them tests, and then I'm having conversation about how I've always been-- I was always the homegirl with the niggas who would be like, yeah, she fine, yeah, she fine, right. So there was always an attraction, but not necessarily a sexual desire. And being at ICAH and meeting people and allowing myself to just be, displayed to me my attraction to other genders. And it was just really exciting becoming that person, like I can-- And I was 27 so I was a very late bloomer. But the language was really important because it wasn't-- I identify as demisexual. It's not a over-arousal of desire that comes up for me to be attracted to someone. But as I get to know them, then that happens. And this is happening while I'm being like, fully immersed in reproductive justice.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=235.0,328.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/5","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nThe school board policy was a really big deal, so we're trying to ensure that holistic sexual health education is present. And I'm learning about sexual health at the same time, because I've been to schools where I missed what they offered, or it was abstinence only. And so I'm 27 and I'm just like, oh, shit. Beyond just the scare of STDs, I'm learning so much more about sexual health. And it's really a great timing for it, as I'm still single and just-- pleasure became central, right, where it-- all the sex I had had before in general was just, it was an act, right, it was not pleasure-full. So now I'm learning about centering pleasure, and just being really explorative, and having a good time, but yet-- and then me being young and being an example of possibilities for the young people coming through. But it was super exciting to be in an atmosphere in Chicago, where young people always had places to go to be politicized, to learn about politics, to learn how to organize and organize centering themselves and their issues and having voices. So I started out as a youth organizer, and it just really ingrained in me-- and I still see myself-- I saw myself as being young, I still fit the young people definition under the Geneva Convention or whatever. And so it was really relatable to the young folks. And it was great. We had programming that said, you got stipends, you got transportation cards, you got to-- you had a physical place you could go to that felt safe, that you always had food. And this is programming and processes we developed, that-- I won't say were brand new, but just take it back to like, kitchen table organizing. Are your basic needs being met as young people. So fast forward, you know, it's great to see that like, these are the basic standards for engaging anybody at this point in time. But it was really important for young folks then to have physical space, and then have these very basic needs taken care of, and spaces for them to be their full selves, as queer-identifying folks who were learning skills.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=328.0,462.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/6","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nWe even had young people on staff, right. So, a friend of mine, she was all of like, maybe 18, 17. But she started off in you-- started out in youth programming, too, so she worked her way to positions. So ICAH was a very ideal organization to be working with because we got to push the values we said we had into practice. So much to the point where when I was Associate Director, and this was later on, the ED was cuttin' up, and the staff was like, we need to get her out. And so, it's funny because SPARK for Reproductive Justice had just outed their previous ED and Paris Hatcher and Mia Mingus had become co-directors. So it was very inspirational to see that happen down here. And to think that we could do it up there. What happened though, is everybody wasn't behind-- like, the execution just couldn't happen. And I had to tell them, I was like, if y'all not down for it, it's not gonna work with just me. And I'm showing up because you all want to overthrow this person, right. And so it fizzled out a great deal. But ICAH was like, downtown. And so it was a great combination of like doing this activist work, and being like single and fancy free. And I keep saying single and I mean, particularly without children, not a partner. But it was just a great combination of things that I got to experience, that again, just contribute to who I am. I don't know if we won any policy things while I was there, I can't recall, but my biggest feat was learning to create the infrastructure that I now use with anything that I start, displaying to myself that I know how to start a thing and finish a thing.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=462.0,573.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/7","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nThe hard thing about ICAH was-- yeah, that was it. We never saw the end or accomplish-- we never accomplished anything in the timeframe I was there. So on top of being sick, getting the boys, and not feeling the satisfaction of finishing anything, anything coming through, no policy being passed. Yes, we trained people, but it really demonstrated to me that I don't think nonprofit was for me, because that's years, you know, I went to the-- I-- so while at ICAH, I went on two bicycle tours. Went to the pro-- no, went to Obama election, where I met women that I had met before. I don't know why I know them. Oh, 'cause I would go to this conference in Amherst, Massachusetts. What the fuck is that called?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=573.0,629.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/8","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Dartricia Rollins  \n\nCLPP?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=629.0,630.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/9","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nI would go to CLPP, so spoke at all that shit. I was on their like, new leadership team and met a woman named Nora Dye who had just rode her bike cross country, white woman from the Bay. And I was like, what the fuck? So me and Paris are there. And she's like, well, y'all want to ride with me? We can do another ride. And we were like, hell yeah. So I remember tryna figure out how ICAH could fund me doing this thing that all these reproductive justice people were gonna do. And it didn't. Paris went on the tour, it was from New Orleans to DC. And then we all met in DC in 2008 for Inauguration, and we planned-- we created the Spoken Heart Collective. And it was a collective of Black--  BIPOC women and their allies. So there were two white women on the tour. Nora being one of them, nine women at the time, all together. And we created the Spoken Heart Collective and said, we're gonna do like, basically, a rolling conference where everybody will do a workshop, we'll have all these practices in place to be in moving community together while we're riding our bikes. Very elaborate plan, right? And this is all because we met at CLPP, right? And Nora had said something like how riding her bike saved her life type shit. So we plan this, and it's right before I get the boys. And I'm like, if I can bike tour from Eugene, Oregon, to San Francisco, I can raise children. It's a lie. But like, I bought a bike off Craigslist. And I really-- you know, as an athlete, I'm just like, physically, if I can do something, that means the mind is there. And then therefore I can raise kids, right? It's just a lie, though.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=630.0,722.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/10","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nBut, so we do this bike tour in-- six months later, from Eugene, Oregon to San Francisco. Like, Michael Jackson died when we're on bike tour, I remember us pulling over to the side of the road to like, have that experience. But we're riding miles and miles, and at first I'm like, I'm not gonna make it. You're really not in shape for a bike tour until after it's done, and that's where I learned that, but it was this beautiful-- we tried to host-- we're all part of RJ. We tried to host workshops along the way. And the truth is, all you can do is ride your bike and eat and sleep. You can't do anything else. But it was beautiful to see the community agreements we came up, as conflict came up, conflict mediation, and this created a bunch of protocol that I would then use moving forward with bike tours. And how biking became this organizing tool, but it organizes people to have experiences that fill their life up, is what I've realized. Like, I'm an organizer, but I'm not working on anything that's gonna change policy or stop something from happening. I'm an organizer now that creates experiences that reignite people and put them in touch with themselves in a way that I think the work takes us away from because we get so tunnel vision on just trying to get the work done.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=722.0,805.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/11","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nSo in 2010, we host-- I'm still at ICAH, but we host a bike tour from Chicago to Detroit. And we pull all the skills and tools we used for the first bike tour and apply them so that other people-- I think we called them pods, could leave their own group of people. So it'd be a big caravan, but smaller groups were responsible for themselves in this caravan. Where I took Cassius, he was five at the time, so he was on tour with me. And we rolled to the US Social Forum, which is the most like fuckin' radical shit you could do, is show up on a bicycle to this social forum right? Where Cassius ends up being part of the kid programming and speaking at the end, where like-- it's all so much a blur too. But we were there at the US Social Forum and this is where-- so adrienne had moved to Detroit to help organize it. I meet Naima, who I knew at the time from Climbing Poetree, which was her poetry group. Cassius is on the radio with her for something they did in Detroit together, so full circle to be in food world with her now.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=805.0,885.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/12","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nBut it's-- yeah, it was-- that was another moment, and ICAH being such a radical place that I was able to organize this, while still having this full-time job and I think that that's-- ICAH was like the-- an ideal place to work. You are dissatisfied? We can figure it out. There is abundance. There is opportunity to find a work home that allows you to be your full version of yourself. Because as the boys come in, we already got childcare set up, 'cause we always had it for the young parents, and it is nothing for them to tag along to this workspace with me, because it's also set up for young people, you know what I mean. ICAH-- I did-- Shamillia produced or directed Vagina Monologues and all the practices were held at ICAH, so it becomes this community space and just really teaches me the possibility of what work spaces and community spaces could look like. And it's all through the lens of RJ. So as I'm considering getting the boys, 'cause this message comes to me, I'm like, oh, well, how much more radical can you get, taking in two children that you didn't birth, though it is the norm of Black and I think immigrant households to have kinship care, you also aren't seeing a young professional 30-something-year-old do it, you know what I mean? Like, who's set up in a position to do it, right, who it's not gonna cause financial strain, and I'm not rich, it's just not going to cause financial strain on me. And ICAH was super supportive of it, that these are the first boys' aunties and uncles and tías and tíos, outside of Shamillia and Leandra being in the household. And so we really-- with the boys being present, we got to-- and I think this is where I really learned about living your values out loud. We got to practice all the things we believed in, because there were now two children very present and often present in this office space.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=885.0,1004.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/13","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd then you also were given a reminder of why reproductive justice matters, in the ways that it does. Their mother no longer had care for them, because a caretaker she left them with for too long called the police. And Marley is still breastfeeding age, and you took him out of the household, right, and so, she's not on drugs, there's nothing-- they're not actually in harm's way. And you took a basic newborn out of the home of their mother for whatever your Nebraska reasoning is, and then put them in a white household, right. So I don't think without the knowledge of reproductive justice, what had happened, how-- very clear how fucked up this situation was, and how they wanted me to terminate my brother's rights, and I refused to. Her rights had already been terminated, because she stopped the process of reunification. But I remember sitting with them and being like, I'm not terminating anybody's rights. If my brother wants access to them, then he can have access to them. He was incarcerated at the time. So it just really put me in a strong position to see the injustice in her children being taken away, and then further understand, with very sophisticated language, why that was even-- why she was even in a positio-- so, my brother being taken out of the household for a minor probation violation. A mother, female-bodied person being now expected to care for two children on her own. And she's-- they're young, they're younger than me. And then in this lilywhite state that they moved to, apparently, because it had more resources, or it got them out the block, like. It just takes one Cali nigga to move somewhere, and then a whole bunch of 'em move. And I think that's anywhere, right, but it was also Nebraska, they didn't have-- their grandmother lived there, and had attempted to get the boys, but she already had custody of all their siblings, so they would not give the boys to her, which is another violation. Now you saying someone who is able, and at least heartspace-willing to take care of them isn't suitable because of how many kids are in the household. So there's a lotta judgments being made, that I'm able to see and understand because I have this knowledge and experience with reproductive justice.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=1004.0,1140.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/14","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd then they gave me the boys. No biopsychosocial around my mental health. I had a house, and I had a job. And I'm kin, right, which is also very flawed, because I ended up-- this is where like, depression kicks in at some point with the boys. And, you know, I think about-- there's a lot of other instances that I haven't-- but I think about if I could sue them, because I think it's negligence to just be placing people with kin, because it's easier for you, and then like, left me with no-- they gave me money, but like left me with no point of contact to sort through the things that I was gonna experience. So this is also where ICAH and Sunyata, who's a good friend, become very pivotal and a support system for this reality that I took on and didn't know what it would entail. Because I just was excited about the opportunity to raise children in a justice-oriented way with the values that that I had, right.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=1140.0,1202.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/15","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nBut ICAH was also the place where I experienced burnout, on more than one occasion, and where I learned that you get these grants to close the gap in capacity, but you never actually have the capacity to take on more money because it requires-- at the time, requires more work. So what we're in now, is because the shit that was happening then.  Now people, you know, you can get general funds money more adequately. You can-- you know, there's solidarity funds, where you don't actually have to do more, people will just reach out to you and give you money. You no longer-- not no longer, but are less likely in a lotta justice-oriented spaces required to give these long grant reports. So the way it is now, I think, is 'cause the brutality we experienced in nonprofit then, and having people come through that and then go on to funding positions, our executive positions that then, we can push back against certain things pre-2020, but definitely post-2020, right. And so sometimes it's hard for me to hear the struggles of the current folks who lead justice-oriented organizations 'cause I'm like, B, you got childcare paid for, you got health care, you got time off, you got-- you get to tell an ED no, you get to negotiate with the board for your wellness, is because so many of us ended up sick, unwell, beat up, because we didn't know we could do that then, and we've just learned over the years and presented a canvas to younger folks in movement to know that they can center themselves and that they have a full-- they're a full whole ass person, not just a person working for this.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=1202.0,1304.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/16","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd so by time I left ICAH that was it, it was like, I'm not just an organizer, or an activist, I'm a fucking whole ass person and I'm not finna-- I'm going to die in this way for the work that will absolutely forget me, you know what I mean? There are more honorable ways for me to give my life work to movement and liberation than there is through this fucking nonprofit that could care less if I got sick, or just could care less about a lotta shit. So I didn't leave ICAH on bad terms, but I left on terms that were like, thank you, and fuck you, because I'm sick. And I'm exhausted. And now I still have to show up to figure out how to raise children. But thank you, because some of my dearest friends come from working at ICAH. Being politicized in Chicago is mindblowing. Because of the political state that they've always existed in. It also being a very Black ass city. I didn't get to negotiate whiteness as much, but it's very Black and you can-- you know what I mean, working downtown meant I was going to engage with white folks, but outside of that, I didn't have to. And I got to be a city girl like, proper, like I fell in love with public transit, I fell in love with my ability to walk and move through a city without a car. And now, it's just-- prior to getting-- even the two years I lived there with the boys, I was just a completely different person. And I love pulling on who she was, because I've forgotten. And it's important to remember because those are some of the best parts of me and you get--","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=1304.0,1414.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/17","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nThe pipeline from Chicago to Atlanta and to South is really, really strong. And it makes sense to me now because what you can't do in Chicago, New York and LA, the South welcomes. You can like fuck up here, too, and they'll let you try again. And so that hustle mentality that comes from being in a city definitely translated well here for me in, get the job done, and you will get the fruits of your labor, but Atlanta is also just very forgiving, so if you fuck up, it's like, we'll give you another chance. And when I moved to Atlanta they hadn't-- the way I looked, so I had my piercings but I also had freeform locs. I was on this bicycle, there were these cool loced-headed kids with me all the time. The way Atlanta looks now did not look like that 10 years ago, and I feel really grateful to have come at that moment. Now of course I came when I was in college, had a great time. So I have reference points of like Buckhead, being where we partied, all the fucking clubs named in every So So Def song, I'm glad for that experience. And then I'm glad that I was part of like this creative culture that really really bloomed in the first five to seven years that I was here. Yeah, and to also watch that from afar, like watching City of Ink be what it was and how it brought in all the artists and those artists honed those skills with and on each other, and then coming here and getting to meet all of them, and 12 years later, you look up and it's like, fucking City of Ink is about to have it's 16th year anniversary. And so and so is in this position, and so and so has this book and this movie. And it's just like, what a beautiful time to have come to Atlanta with Red, Bike and Green, with Orange Moon and with offering yoga like with all the things that I offer, it was a pinnacle time. I don't know if I could land now and offer any of that. I don't know if it would make sense. But it did then.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=1414.0,1463.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/18","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nAnd I think that ICAH taught me everything cooperative, everything centering the most marginalized communities, which at the time, included myself and my children. It taught me that I will always be an activist within RJ because I'm a reproducing being. And that felt good, that a lot of other social justice realms, I could move in and out of based on class status, based on where I lived, you become an ac-- you become an advocate, I'm no longer negatively affected by this injustice, so I'm advocating on behalf of people who are. Where RJ is, I'm always affected by the issues of reproductive injustice. And that felt really important, and it centered me as a human, you know what I mean? As something that you will always have that lived experience in and you don't transition out of, you know what I mean? So, yeah, ICAH is pivotal, very pivotal. And then also pivotal in that I've never worked for another nonprofit since.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=1463.0,1603.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/19","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Ashby Combahee  \n\nWhat was the total amount of time that you were there? Do you know?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=1603.0,1606.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/20","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nProbably 2006 to 2011? Yeah. Somethin' like that.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=1606.0,1615.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/21","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Dartricia Rollins  \n\nAnd so then you moved to Atlanta, and I could be using incorrect language, but it seems like you kind of recreate yourself, and you leave the nonprofit world, but you're still an organizer. And in the beginning, when I asked, like, what kind of like-- what-- tell us about the work you do, you say, you know, you got into food justice work, you become a yoga instructor. And you learn to incorporate wellness into organizing work, even if it's not with the outcome of policy, but incorporating wellness into other people, other organizers. And so, yeah, like, how do you do that? And why is that so important to you?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=1615.0,1673.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/22","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nBecause I was-- I got sick, and it literally was eating the inside of my body. And one, I knew I needed rest, so that's why I didn't work. And I just was like, Imma live off of this money until I figure out what's next. And I knew that being closer to the soil would be healing, I knew that being in my body would be healing. My mother was a yogi. And so I'd seen it early on, but then also throughout life didn't see Black people doing it until Chicago, and my first yoga instructor was a Black woman. And as an athlete, I was also like, this shit is easy. I'll just be stretchin'. And then I got in a yoga class and was like, Whoa! totally, you know. So it really moved me to want to become a yoga instructor. I needed these things for myself. And I was committed to my wellness, and unknowingly, everybody else needed it too. And so that's where the cooperative mindset comes in, as well. Like, if I need it, and I create something, then other people will utilize it 'cause they clearly need it. And I still don't have the words, I've been using the word organizer a lot. And that's because I've been traveling with Dara for the last three weeks, who will not let me not acknowledge myself as an organizer. Her and Fresco also put into perspective that I create institutions when-- being vetted by the people that I organized with before became really important, because the work-- my work looks so different than everybody else's. They were in proper organizations, they were funded, they were pushing systematic change, where I'm over here twirlin' on a bicycle. And there were many years where it wasn't validated or I wasn't included, and I'm watching people in their upward mobility in their organizations. And here I am, right, at-- still at the very grassroots level, which is where my heart will always be. And what they started to tell me was, you figured it out way before everybody else did. You knew to leave and you knew that-- you just started what you felt you needed and what would be beneficial to other people and so. Yeah, and it's interesting 'cause those 10 years ago 2011, 2012, I got all this time on my hand and no one to hang out with and no one to have community with because people are plugged into their jobs. I don't have a lotta money, though. And so it's an interesting place to, like, have time and no money. And what that does for mental health and to not know people, right, so there was some isolation that happened, that did not feel good. That was part of me experiencing being depressed. And so it's like, no matter what I implemented, for myself, I still always found myself back being depressed and then eventually was like, I live with depression, and it became something that I just accepted.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=1673.0,1845.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/23","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nBut, Red, Bike and Green. The fact that I could create programming that then would highlight other organizations, introduce organiza-- introduce people who ride bikes, Black folks-- so before there was unapologetically Black, even as language, Red, Bike and Green was Black. Period. And there was a lotta argument from other Black folks about how that was reverse racism, all this shit, from very formally educated Black folks at HBCUs too. And there was a point in time where I had moved back to Chicago-- that's a whole thing, but I remember being in Chicago and getting phone calls at Boxcar Grocer, which used to exist in in Castleberry, it was basically a bodega. It was Candler Park store before Candler Park Corner Store existed, but in a Black neighborhood, right? I'm getting phone calls from there after a ride about arguments because people are mad they can't bring their boos who are white or non-Black on these all Black rides. And I'm just like stand-- they don't have to come back. That's just what it is. Like, if you can't see that we deserve our own spaces, and then our own spaces doing a thing that we're not accustomed to seeing ourselves do, then just don't come back. But we're gonna keep riding and it's gonna continue to be all Black. But, you know, the South has problems with that, because we've been taught to be so right friendly, in a lot of different ways. You know, I know people who still say *whispers* white people, and I'm like, you can say white people really loud, or who cringe when I say nigga, and I get it. But I'm also like, y'all are adhering to these rules that don't serve us anymore and never really did. But I get where it comes from, because it did serve you, you could be killed, right? So it's always been battling a certain very Southern mentality with just accepting this is where we're at, this is who you are, you don't have to be ashamed of it.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=1845.0,1960.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/24","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=1960.0,1960.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/25","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"And I know that that's part of-- I had to accept that I, not just the entity that was created, was part of why people were showing up, right. And that was very, very hard to accept. Because I'm just being me, and I-- not fully understanding the impact it has on people. But I'm also being a reflection of possibility. And that Black girl magic shit. I don't know another way to describe it. But that person that folks hadn't had the liberty of seeing and definitely hadn't had the liberty of seeing so much in the South. Not that it's never existed. But that it's existing now for new people to see they can be this way. And that is healing to ourselves as well, right. To now fast forward, everybody looks like us, me and my former-- my best friend Ken, who's my former partner. We like-- we don't even look cool no more, 'cause everybody legitimately looks like us but when-- in the beginning, nobody did and we were looked at weird and funny and all these things. But now it is-- not because of us, but it is popular culture, you know. But yeah, I just in general thought that if I need it other people need it. And if you don't, so what, I still need it. And people kept showing up to different things. So Red, Bike and Green was this thing people showed up, showed up, showed up, showed up and then Kung Li, who I did Queer Fit with-- so they created Queer Fit. I can't remember what fucking injustice,  something happened in the Bay Area, in Oakland, and Kung Li was like, if some shit pop off, none of my friends could support my physical being, if I'm at a protest. If I get tased or gassed, like none of my friends could physically carry me out of physical space. So Kung Li created Queer Fit, and actually that's the first community I landed in in Atlanta.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=1960.0,2076.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/26","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nI-- Kate Shaps and I were at a conference or something somewhere in the Bay. I said I was moving to Atlanta. When I moved to Atlanta, I touched down with Kate Shaps and they were like come to Queer Fit. And I show up and it's Queer Fit-- I mean, it's queer folks doing CrossFit type workouts. As an athlete, a person who needs community, a person who needs to be able to show up with their kids places, it was just the best place for me to land. Granted, everybody there was mean except for Kung Li and Glo. But I showed up every week. And I ended up being a coach for Queer Fit. So here comes another health component, right, another wellness component. And I think that was it, like Kung Li saw what I was doing or attempting to do. And I made sense to them. And they were like, Charis, and I need to introduce you to Zuri. She's a yoga person, too, and has kids and maybe y'all would be friends. So Kung Li introduced me to Zuri. And then, maybe I write a proposal to Charis, maybe Kung Li introduces me. But eventually, we have a Sunday yoga class there because there was a need, and I wanted to teach and people showed up. And then Zuri became a teacher, Crystal became a teacher. I don't know where yoga exists now, but-- or how long it continued there. But that was something that, again, you build it and the people will come.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=2076.0,2162.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/27","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nAnd that's what I realized about Atlanta. The things you-- there was-- at no point I could walk into anywhere in Chicago and say, hey, I have this idea. Let's try it. Maybe 'cause I didn't have the clout. Maybe-- for whatever reason, it wouldn't work, it wouldn't work in LA, and it damn sure wouldn't work in New York, you have to have a certain amount of something for that kind of thing to work, but in Atlanta? Any of your ideas, and it just requires an ask and an email, and people liked the ideas I had. And it's what grounded me here. It's what built the community that I've had here. It's served all of its purposes, more than I could imagine. And it feels affirming to have offered something to this city that has given me myself, or a version of myself, that have helped me raise my children in a city that-- yeah, my name gets mentioned in rooms unknowingly, in really beautiful ways. And that is the best way to be seen, is not knowing you're having an impact, or the way that I learned that my work has had an impact. And that's all been part of my healing.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=2162.0,2246.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/28","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nAnd I think that even now, I call yes, please, a care space. It reminds me so much of Orange Moon, which was a house that I lived in, that I rented, on Langhorn Street, it was orange at the time, now it's gray, so we call it full moon. But it had like three generations of people there, at some point, and I was moving outta Paris's house. And I remember me and *laughs* me and this woman Makeda, she was part of Red, Bike and Green. And we forged check stubs to be able to afford the house, like we knew we had money, but we didn't have proof of income. So we had to forge check stubs. It was a four bedroom two and a half house-- bath house for $1,000, starting in, I think 2015? Un-fuckin-heard of, and then it was just like, I have-- I always keep a spare room because I've been unhoused before. No one likes sleeping on your couch. Everybody feels inconvenienced. So I keep a spare room so that if someone needs a place to stay short-term, they can, well then. And Orange Moon is really significant, so I'm surprised I hadn't mentioned it before, but so it's me and Makeda and then Alsie, I met through Habesha where I learned how to grow food. And she was pregnant, then she wasn't pregnant. We lost the baby. I was her doula, one of her doulas. And her and her partner just needed a place and so we offered that to them. And then that is the beginning of what started Orange Moon to be very cooperative. So people would move in and out. You could-- people started to come to Orange Moon to get care, to lay on the floor, to get a home cooked meal, to be seen, to exist. It reminded me of college, as well. So it was this place where everybody could hang out and-- but it had politics. It had a way that the house functioned cooperatively. We composted, we grow-- we grew food. And then we started hosting a variety of events because I or-- I started a yoga studio there in the master bedroom. And then we had solstice and equinox events and then we had house parties and it became cooperative housing, community housing in a variety of ways and--","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=2246.0,2386.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/29","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nThat eventually, by 2000-- end of 2016, I was done. I had been extracted from, I had been workin' my ass off. And I couldn't continue to exist in the ways that I was, because I also wasn't being filled back up. And I didn't have language then, but it was extractive or like, what I offered was not tangible to people. So people didn't think that I was offering anything despite the fact that like, all these little things that everybody is existing in, you're a part of, but because I'm not giving you a thing, a very tangible thing, right, then I became underappreciated. So the same burnout that happened with ICAH was happening again, but differently, because it was by like, literal peop-- with people who were like my family and community, who, how dare like, I be invisiblized to you as well. And how dare, with as much showing up as I offered, they weren't able to rise to the occasion. And then this is the sense of like, where I think we went, at least in my life experience-- people became selfish in a way that is harmful to community, because now you get to draw a boundary and use this very positive thing, drawing a boundary. But it did something to the interpersonal relationships that I was having. So what happened? I left. I literally-- I was like-- it was a whole hashtag, #LastDaysATL. And I created a project called Hit the Continents, and me and the boys left for six months and travelled through North America. I gave up my house, I packed-- we packed three backpacks. And I was like, I gotta do something different. Let's see how traveling through North and Central America-- see what it does. And I've been thinking about that a lot lately, and it was kind of crazy and wild. At the time, it felt very necessary and very necessary for my sanity. I had got stuck in the mundane. It's a lot of shit.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=2386.0,2530.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/30","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd yeah, so we leave, maybe the day before Christmas 2016. Am I making this up, was it 2000-- whatever year it was, I would have to look for sure. But we drive to North Carolina where my partner is. And then we drive to the coast to spend Christmas with his family. He drives us to Chicago where we spend New Year's. He gets on a plane and goes home and we get on a train and ride a train cross country, there's eight stops. So we're stopping in places like Utah, Portland, we make it to Alaska-- not Alaska, I'm joking. We make it to Canada, like Vancouver. We make it to Modesto, we spend like two weeks in Modesto with my family. And then out of San Francisco, we fly to Hawai'i. We fly to Maui when my brother has agreed to house us for like a month. So we're on the road for a month cross country, then we're in Hawai'i for a month. And me and the boys just figuring it out. What I learned now, and this is-- it's funny, because that's part of my coping, part of me being healthy, is like you have-- I have to be willing to leave everything that I've built to find myself again, because when you're working, and you're working, not only for yourself, but for something bigger than you, you forget or lose sight of who the fuck you are, or how you even ended up where the hell you're at. And so I'm--very clearly and I wrote about it, my essay in the Black Food book was I had audacity to start all over. Not without fear, but again, what makes sense to me now is that I got between life and death. I got from birth to death or where I'm at today 'til the day I die, to create whatever that is. And there's a lot of things that have been given to us to give us these blueprints. And what I keep recognizing is, I never see myself, as-- there's so much more representation of us. There's so many more Black people and women in all these places, and I still don't see myself. And so, the willingness to start over again is to like, be okay with the life that I'm choosing to live and to take the fantasy out of the things that I've romanticized. So shit, you wanna live abroad wit yo kids and world school them, well bitch, go try. And I did. And in hindsight, it's brilliant and fucking crazy, right?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=2530.0,2669.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/31","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nLike I gave up-- Eva Dickerson moved into my house, like I interviewed-- actually Ree moved into the house, who does Fort Negrita, and then I'm like, well, now you're head of house. There's a person who wants to move in. So I think we collectively interviewed Eva. And that became the next generation of Orange Moon. And then I'm gone. And me and the boys, yeah, so we end up-- we stay in Costa Rica for a month and then we overland all of Central America except for Belize. We were supposed to go to Central-- or to South America, but I got tired, like, it's a lotta moving around. And then it was a lot of me to ask the boys in their very young age to be as responsible as they were for us to travel safely. Granted, it's much safer to travel in Central America than I think that it is here, much more affordable. But it was also like, here are these lessons in life, about awareness, about listening, about geography, so that if I miss something, you're also there to support me-- I can ask and you can affirm or not affirm something that we might've needed to know. And also, we're in hot weather and on beaches, like y'all are living your best fuckin' lives. You-- they did workbooks and life was their experience. So Hit the Continents was pivotal.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=2669.0,2747.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/32","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nWhat I've now realized is, I came back. I didn't have a house, stayed with Ken, he definitely took us in. And a person approached me for a relationship, a polyamorous relationship. And what I know now is the familiarity and comfort that that relationship brought, distracted me from myself. And so from 2017, up until, let's say, November of last year, I have been consumed and distracted with a reality that I, most of the time, was not creating. So when I came back from Hit the Continents, I was supposed to reinvent myself, which did happen. But it was no longer from a blank canvas because I  entered this particular relationship that was beautifully trumotreous, if that's the word, whatever that word is, like, just a beautiful struggle. And it became a distraction from being very intentional. Now what happened, and the company I created, it's all great, beautiful, but here I am. I was also very depressed, but that person and that relationship was enough distraction that I didn't realize that I had always-- I had bee-- I've been depressed since 2017. That's when it became very clear. I left to avoid depression, but absolutely created depression. And then I became a workhorse.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=2747.0,2841.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/33","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd so now I'm waking up, I'm pulling my head out the sound and I'm realizing, oh, shit, I've been depressed. Oh, shit, life has happened to me, because of me, for me. But what I feel today, this gratitude, this feeling, this hearing the birds and the thing, the mist in the air, like didn't exist then because I didn't know what the fuck I was doing and wasn't aware of what I was and was not doing. Like I undid my whole life, and came back with a plan but got derailed and just didn't know it. And not bad derailed, some beautiful things came out of that. But I had intentions of the way I was gonna come back. And I just got distracted, and got very depressed. So now, like there's a new journey of like, what is putting yourself back together again, what is it like to reintroduce yourself to yourself because it's also so blurry. Because I was depressed. Because as the boys grew, our relationships became more challenging. Because my heart was very broken for a very, very, very long time. Like I didn't know how-- we were only technically in a relationship for one year, and it took five years to get over, so. It was very mani-- it was a lot of shit. But I'm just now realizing all of this as I'm deciding to take time off and reintroduce myself to myself. Which I think it's all about the healing process. But I have no intention of creating anything in the ways that I did before. So if you see me doin' that, tell me not to.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=2841.0,2949.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/34","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Dartricia Rollins  \n\nI really appreciate this reflection from you, especially because now we're in 2023 and you are reintroducing yourself. And so I'm gonna ask my last question, but I wanna like put some things together. Is that you said, one, that like reproductive justice has always been and will always be important to you, even as a advocate because you are a reproducing human being. But what you've also articulated throughout your life, is that reproductive justice has always been important because you lost your mother and you went through the foster care system. You had to live with different family members, you've experienced pretty much every variation of like the tenets of reproductive justice and done it as work, done it as care for other people, as a doula. And so my last question is, what does reproductive liberation look like to you? And I want you to also just like tie in this new re-introduction of yourself with it.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=2949.0,3032.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/35","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nThat's a good question. I think, so in 2021, I moved to Mexico with Marley. And I met a Nigerian woman there who-- we had a conversation-- you might have to repeat your question, but I'm tryna tie it in.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=3032.0,3048.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/36","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Dartricia Rollins \n\nMhmm.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=3048.0,3048.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/37","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nWe had a conversation about like Black people not speaking to each other, which I'm really big on. And my friends comment, like you always speaking to Black people. I'm like, yeah, I'm happy they here. And what this woman said to me about speaking to Black people, she was like Black people the only people that have caused me harm. She lives in a homogenous-- comes from a homogenous country. I was like, word, and that conversation led to the conversation about human rights. I'm still working with this. But from our conversation, I was like, yeah, human rights may not be a real thing. Like it might be really made up. Because if you have to fight for something, it's not actually a right, like, breath is a right, it just exists, right. To have to fight for something, to me now denotes that it actually isn't a right, right. It's not something that just happens because you're born. And that to me is what a right is and the only thing that is offered to us when we're born is breath. It doesn't mean that these aren't injustices that don't need to be fought, but I think that-- and I'm ignorant, I'm not a human rights activist. But there's more to say about the way we talk about human rights.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=3048.0,3075.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/38","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nSo what that led me to was, I go, oh, shit, I've been bamboozled by the movement. The same way y'all-- not y'all, but this other universe of y'all believe a Trump or the rhetoric of America, or capitalism or xenophobia? I feel like I have been bamboozled by the movement, because I literally believe all the things, and not without critique, but I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that our movements lack imagination. And that is the thing that I sit with now, in being slow, and developing a different pace of life. We go to the same methods of doing the work. Even though time has changed. We don't dream. I think we give space for dreaming now more than we ever have, in my lifetime. And I think that that is-- I get the urgency of things. But urgency feels like we're hitting our head up against the wall, to me. So all of this is my lived experience. So whoever listens to this, you can't really criticize me 'cause it's my lived experience. Right? I'm-- that is what I'm an expert in. And so I play with this now. And while I think there are a lot of different definitions of reproductive liberation could look like, I think that we need to be more imaginative. It's not simply every being gets to birth or not birth or have the resources to care for people or not care for people, or that people shouldn't be incarcerated, and that's gonna lower-- you know, people being incarcerated to their birthing years is gonna lower population outcomes and shit like that. That's all very true.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=3075.0,3140.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/39","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nBut I think reproductive liberation is a moment in time where we don't even have to think about what the fuck it is. And I don't know what that looks like. But it means that we're no longer having this conversation. And with us being humans, I think we're always going to have this conversation, though. So there's always gonna be something out of line. And I don't know what that out of line is gonna be. But I really invite us to think of new ways of doing the work. And it is no criticism against the folks that are still doing the work in the containers in which we're accustomed to. But there's something about the interpersonal that we no longer address, but yet still expect us to be affecting systems. And I think that there is a personal-- we're not willing to give up our comforts for the very systematic things that we believe in. And so when I see people organizing, I always wanna know how they live their day-to-day life, if they're in alignment with the things that they're talking about. Because for us to be in alignment with the things that we say we want would require us to be more uncomfortable and make more sacrifices and also comfortable sacrifices in the United States of fuckin' America. Right.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=3140.0,3284.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/40","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza \n\nSo reproductive liberation is one that I think definitely starts with an internal gaze of the self but lends to something that we can't even imagine. It is Black future. It is a space where we can find language for things that we feel, we can-- where, like we're not having to create a fuckin' policy for something that makes sense, because we've shifted as a human existence where a policy isn't necessary to say, you be decent to other beings or that someone can't make choices about your own fuckin' body, you know? It means that-- simply that the births that are attempted, like survive, because Black birth beings are no longer like high off the cortisol. And we know what it's like not to fuckin' be stressed, right? Like, when my friend asked me today, why I was overwhelmed about feeling amazing? 'Cause I don't fuckin' know what this feels like. I know what stress feels like. And so this is a foreign experience. So I think reproductive liberation is about having a foreign experience that we can't even fathom yet. And I'm not meaning to be abstract. I'm meaning that we need to be in collective conversation about that question. It means that we need more than scholars at the table, 'cause I think now we have a lot of fuckin' scholars at the table, separate from the artists.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=3284.0,3380.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/41","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAlexis Pauline Gumbs. Brontë-- can't think of her last name, but she is the ED of Lead to Life, Tricia with the Nap Ministry. These are people who have used their imagination to create really beautiful things around injustice. And not just an art piece or a think piece, but like Brontë's organization takes guns, and melts them down into shovels that get to be used on farms, and where that seems really separate from stopping gun violence. But there's also an abundance of guns that need to be turned into something and maybe the way she communicates that hits a heart string, because a person who has a gun is the grandchild of a farmer, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know what it does. We don't know what creativity does for the human spirit. But we're having these human experiences attached to capitalism, that says, we live to make money to exist. And with my recent travels, particularly in Cairo, which you-- someone goes to Egypt, all you hear about is the pyramids, which by the way, are mindblowing, right? But there's something about a city with 30 to 35 million people on it, that functions in the Old World and the New World. I don't know how people make their fuckin' money, I have no idea. But what I know is that on those streets, people seem really fu-- it doesn't mean injustice doesn't exist, they're coming out of a revolution. But there's a sense of physical affection. There is a sense of gratitude in the air and appreciation. And it's something-- and that's between them going to work and going to school. And while they're in these places, right? Where, here, our imagination and what capitalism have done to us means that, between going to work and getting to work, I'm in a bad mood, or I can't find senses of joy, 'cause there's no-- 'cause we don't have the space to have that because I gotta go deal with work, which is daunting for a variety of reasons. And then after work, there's a sense of relief, but then there's obligation if you have anybody else in the household. There's nowhere in our day where we have pulled out a space to be imaginative, to feel good, to know that we can feel good, because it's always thinking-- we're not present. And so what I noticed in these other countries, what I think is-- needs to happen is, our ability to be slow and present, which will ignite imagination in a new way.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=3380.0,3530.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/42","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nNature is my religion at the end of the day. And so if we can pay enough attention to these small cues, they will give us the answers. Whether it's because Spirit is speaking through them. But it's mostly because we as individuals, and then as a society, or small groups of people, have had an opportunity to, one, not live a life in relationship to figuring out how to comfortably live a life. But because we recognize, I am here and I'm alive, and this is all I have, regardless if there's injustice or not. And I think that that-- or at least for me, what that's doing right now is reorienting myself to possibility. I-- jaded, not hopeful, former organizer activist because of the injustice in the world. And for me to be ignited again-- and simple acts. Like, two things have really impacted me recently. I saw a YouTube video where a woman takes glass bottles and turns it into sand, and she's developed it in college, but now sandbags and concrete, all-- it's expanded, this is-- these were two humans, two regular ass-- they're white. So there's a lot of privilege in that space and time, but space and time, right? And where I'm always like-- now I'm like, well, I've raised kids, I've helped with this institution, I live a life a particular way. If I never do anything again, I'll be okay. Where I believe that's true, it's also not true. And it's because I've been jaded, but seeing her and then when I was in Cairo, this woman, and this entity that works to remove the plastic from the Nile River. They removed 10 tons of plastic a month. And I said, well, what do you do to stop the plastic come in? We don't know. Like, we can't stop it right? Or we haven't developed that system. But it's equivalent to the starfish story. Well, it made a difference for that starfish. That was something that I lost in myself, because I started to move too fast. And think too big. And my big isn't even macro systems, it's community systems, right.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=3530.0,3662.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/43","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nBut those things take away from imagination, the ability to just fucking think, to sit in a place and to wonder, to be curious, were critical, long ways of saying, I think space and time are such a privilege. But it legitimately is part of what is necessary to shift cultural norms. And it's the shifting of cultural norms that will lead us to reproductive liberation. We're trying to convince people right now that we are worthy. And that is not what's going to give us the justice that we desire. People have to-- cliche as it is, but you know, walk a day in someone else's shoes to understand why this person should be valued just as much as you value yourself. We have very different lived experiences. And if we can't slow down to understand one another, then we're not making cultural shifts. I don't give a fuck what policy you put in place, there's still going to be something that counters that in very big ways that make it hard for that policy to even live, particularly around reproductive justice. We're literally tryna convince people that we have a right to determine what is best for our bodies. Because if I don't have this, if I don't terminate, are you gonna give me money to care for this child, that I'm very aware I can't take care for? No, you're not. But you're so pro-life. You know, you wanna uphold these Christian values because your God said so. Have you ever sat with why your God would-- why you would believe that a God that's supposed to be able to do anything would tell you this, whatever the case is, there's just a huge gap. When Stacey Abrams lost, I said, oh, they just don't fuckin' like us. Like, what more proof do we need that we are not valued and appreciated in this society at all, that you would vote for somebody that intentionally wants to harm groups of people that don't look white, Judeo, Christian, whatever, whatever, all those statistics.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=3662.0,3780.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/44","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nAnd we're-- so we're constantly tryna convince people that we're valuable, and I think that reproductive liberation-- I always stand with the belief that it starts within ourselves and not external of our community. And so when Roe v. Wade went away, there was an uproar. But did we start any farms that did the herbs that could help someone terminate? Is there the blueprint for all the clinics people can go to, that if you can make it to a particular state, do we have the housing? And again, no shame or shade, but we get distracted from the very real tangible ways that will help the very people that are in distress around this small aspect of reproductive justice, you know what I mean. But it was an op-- and it is an opportunity to create those resources, to the best of my knowledge, we didn't create them. They don't exist. And if they do exist, the fact that I don't have access, and I believe that I'm someone that has enough touch points that I should have access to these resources, is sad.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=3780.0,3844.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/45","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nSo I think there is a reworking of organizations and not that they're not doing great work. But then I think that there's the pers-- that individual people also need to step into the spaces and the gaps and do what they can. But that that's hard when you feel defeated, and when you have a house full of people, and you have a job to go to. And so being able to detach ourselves from capitalism. And that simply means, no, you don't not go to work. I'm not sayin' quit yo job like Beyonce did and then offer you $2,800 VIP tickets, but, I am saying, think about how much we're part of capitalism and what you can take away that would then give yourself more space, that you wouldn't miss it. And that's-- I say that because I noticed that every year, I was like, but I gotta save more money. I gotta save more money. I gotta save more money, right? Which made me work more and more and more and more. And then you have no space or time and you have no imagination, you have exhaustion, and tears and the need to be held, and to process. And that just strips you away of what I think is just, very human, is the space to fucking think and dream. Like no one can-- that's a right, no one can take-- literally nobody can take that away from you, unless they took your life, which is a whole nother story. But yeah, I don't know what it looks like. But I think it comes from a lot of cultural shifts, starting with the individual. Because individuals make up systems. We always go to the system argument, but I'm like, but what the fuck makes up systems? It is corporations, but they're made up of fuckin' people, so.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=3844.0,3950.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/46","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Dartricia Rollins  \n\nThank you.","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=3950.0,3952.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/47","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"Ashby Combahee  \n\nYeah, I think this feels like a good stopping point for now. But before we stop recording, is there anything that we hadn't gotten to that you wanna make sure gets on the record?","format":"text/plain"},"target":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108#t=3952.0,3963.0"},{"id":"https://georgiadusk.aviaryplatform.com/collections/3309/collection_resources/150114/file/276108/transcript/94394/annotation/48","type":"Annotation","motivation":"transcribing","body":{"type":"TextualBody","value":"zahra alabanza  \n\nI think, to your point, like I've experienced-- and that is why reproductive justice is so important to me 'cause I've just experienced, just so many injustices with it. I loved when new language came about about what a sex worker was, or what-- when, you know, enthusiastic yes, became a thing, right. 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